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28 February 2014

:: another warning - this is about 1d ::

"that's controversial!"

all good opinions are, sweetheart.

and this is one heck of a good opinion.

so I was listening to 'story of my life' for the, like, 6,000th time since october and something hit me, so utterly genius I had to share it. 

consider the first part of the chorus.

the story of my life
I take her home
I drive all night to keep her warm
and time is frozen

okay, what are their three albums? take me home. up all night. midnight memories. (so that's not in order. work with me, here.) let's see:

the story of their lives
they "take me home"
they're "up all night"
to keep her warm so that one doesn't quite fit but be a sport
and time is frozen (like, memories? get it?)

I think that's pretty cool.
that is pretty cool, right? I mean, I suppose it could be kind of... convoluted. like, I didn't totally squeeze meaning into it, did I? it sounded so good in my head!

21 February 2014

:: warning! read with caution! ::

!! this sentence has been known to induce fainting in elegant females. !!

“you must allow me to tell you how ardently I admire and love you.” 

- pride & prejudice, ch. 34
(jane austen) 

18 February 2014

:: valentine hangover ::

today is sunny and clear but I feel like listening to sappy, anguished love songs. what better excuse than valentine's day?

…or, you know, the week after. besides, it's february, and nothing happens in february, I swear.

the sappy (or anguished) love songs I'm listening to*

- your wildest dreams (moody blues)
- crazy love (mindy gledhill)
- white flag (dido)
- why am I falling (ramin karimloo)
- collide (lee mead)
- promise the stars (we the kings)
- big blue wave (hey ocean)
- if my heart was a house (owl city)
- till kingdom come (coldplay)
- summer love (1d)
- you always make me smile (kyle andrews)
- love you lately (daniel powter)
- falling in love in a coffee shop (landon pigg)
- till we get there (keith jack)
- it might as well rain until september (carole king)
- through the dark (1d)
- if I were a ship (hey ocean)
- dreams (the cranberries)
- when I need you the most (lee mead)
- there never was a time (frank wildhorn/scarlet pimpernel)
- vanilla twilight (owl city)

*some are more sappy than others.

enjoy the aftereffects of february 14th (on which I myself did nothing special). why the hangover? just drunk on life, guys, just drunk on life.

14 February 2014

:: it's friday, I'm in love ::

(perfect song for valentine's day 2014, no?)

ah, love quotes. love quotes are the greatest thing in the world, except for a nice MLT -- mutton, lettuce, and tomato sandwich, when the mutton is lean and the tomato is ripe. they're so perky. I love that.

today, messieurs et mademoiselles, is a commercial holiday promoting spending money. we, however, are going to defy the culture and improve our minds (reading love quotes like these, from Good Books)

I've posted before about the perfect proposal. today I'm focusing solely on my favorite love-related words; featuring people like winnie foster, john chivery, and george knightley. 
get ready. 

- - -

And then Ness came and put her thin brown hands on his shoulders and said, as though she knew what he was thinking, "Have you regretted it?"
   "Why should I regret it?" asked Aquila, and put his hands over hers.
(lantern bearers) 

"For you, and for any dear to you, I would do anything. If my career were of that better kind that there was any opportunity or capacity of sacrifice in it, I would embrace any sacrifice for you and for those dear to you. Try to hold me in your mind, at some quiet times, as ardent and sincere in this one thing. The time will come, the time will not be long in coming, when new ties will be formed about you -- ties that will bind you yet more tenderly and strongly to the home you so adorn -- the dearest ties that will ever grace and gladden you. O Miss Manette, when the little picture of a happy father's face looks up in yours, when you see your own bright beauty springing up anew at your feet, think now and then that there is a man who would give his life, to keep a life you love beside you!"
(a tale of two cities)

"It isn't possible to love and to part. You will wish that it was. You can transmute love, ignore it, muddle it, but you can never pull it out of you. I know by experience that the poets are right: love is eternal. … What nonsense I have talked -- how abstract and remote! And I have made you cry! Dear girl, forgive my prosiness; marry my boy. When I think of what life is, and how seldom love is answered by love -- Marry him; it is one of the moments for which the world was made."
(a room with a view)

"I can be miserable alone, I can be cut up by myself; why should I also make miserable, and cut up one, that I would fling myself off that parapet to give half a moment's joy to! Not that that's much to do, for I'd do it for a twopence."
(little dorrit)

He fell upon the seat, she by his side. There were no more words. The stars were beginning to shine. How was it that their lips met? How is it that the birds sing, that the snow melts, that the rose opens, that May blooms, that the dawn whitens behind the black trees on the shivering summit of the hills?
(les misérables)

The Tucks untangled themselves and turned to her. One by one, as the rain began, they drew her to them and kissed her. One by one she kissed them back. Was it rain on Mae's face? Or Tuck's? Or was it tears? Jesse was last. He put his arms around her and hugged her tight, and whispered the single word, "Remember!"
(tuck everlasting)

"I cannot make speeches, Emma," -- he soon resumed; and in a tone of such sincere, decided, intelligible tenderness as was tolerably convincing, -- "If I loved you less, I might be able to talk about it more. But you know what I am. -- You hear nothing but truth me. -- I have blamed you, and lectured you, and you have borne it as no other woman in England would have borne it."
(emma)

My steadfast aim is now to follow in my mother's footsteps; to imitate her cheerfulness, her benevolence, her bright, inspiring ways; and never rest until in place of my selfish nature I become as full of Christ's love as she became. I am glad she is at last relieved from the knowledge of all my cares; and though I often and often yearn to throw myself into her arms and pour out my cares and trials into her sympathizing ears, I would not have her back for all the world. She has got away from all the turmoil and suffering of life; let her stay!
(stepping heavenward)

"I am very grateful to you. I feel that you make Cosette happy. If you knew, Monsieur Pontmercy, her beautiful rosy cheeks were my joy; when I saw her a little pale, I was sad. There is a 500-franc bill in the bureau. I have not touched it. It is for the poor. Cosette, do you see your little dress, there on the bed? do you recognize it? Yet it was only ten years ago. We have been very happy. My children, do not weep, I am not going very far, I shall see you from there. You will only have to look when it is night, you will see me smile."
(les misérables)

George: Emily, I'm going to do my best. I love you, Emily. I need you.
Emily: Well, if you love me, help me. All I want is someone to love me.
George: I will, Emily. Emily, I'll try.
Emily: And I mean for ever. Do you hear? For ever and ever.
(our town)

They were sitting side by side, leaning up against a rock, and he had rested his aching head on her shoulder. She certainly now deserved the name of "the happiest woman in Europe." 
   "It is a case of the blind leading the lame, sweetheart, is it not?" he said with his good-natured smile of old. "Odd's life! but I do not know which are the more sore -- my shoulders or your little feet." … And his arms, still vigorous in spite of fatigue and suffering, closed round Marguerite's poor, weary body, and lifted her as gently as if she had been a feather.
(the scarlet pimpernel)  

[and I would be remiss if I did not include something from The Ultimate Romance Manual.]

"You are too generous to trifle with me. If your feelings are still what they were last April, tell me so at once. My affections and wishes are unchanged, but one word from you will silence me on this subject for ever." 
   Elizabeth…gave him to understand, that her sentiments had undergone so material a change, since the period to which he alluded, as to make her receive with gratitude and pleasure, his present assurances. The happiness which this reply produced, was such as he had probably never felt before; and he expressed himself on this occasion as sensibly and as warmly as a man violently in love can be expected to do.
(pride and prejudice)

- - -

oh -- wuv; twoo wuv. beautiful, isn't it? 

13 February 2014

:: v-tines are for losers ::

let me 'splain.
too long. let me sum up.
ever seen that bumper sticker, "virginia is for lovers"? well, it is easily mis-seen and has thus become a family joke: "[insert here] is for losers lovers!" I really wasn't being a hater.

personally, I am not hugely into the 14th of february as a holiday. maybe because I don't have a better half? …maybe because I never have, and indifference is my revenge? (geez, I really am a hater.) my favorite celebration of it, ever, was making cookies in the afternoon and eating them at night while watching the twilight zone.

que romantico!

but I'm willing to get in the spirit of things, and as part of the festivities, I'm stuffing my face with chocolate doing a valentine's day link-up. this is so much fun, I'd suggest you go to jessica grayson's blog and do it, too.

so. without further ado, silly songs with *ahem*. moving on.

what book do I love that everyone else seems to hate?
a separate peace. it was an impressively narrated, heartbreaking story that revealed a lot of truth about the human heart. I loved it and I reread it and it makes me cry every time (that was one of the top three "hangover" books I've read in my lifetime. the other two are shining company and return of the king). but nobody else seems to appreciate it the way I do!

what book does everyone else love that I don't?
don quixote. not that everyone else seriously loves it, but why is it a classic? I probably have an uncultured mind, is all. oh well.

love in books -- love it or hate it?
done well, I love it. a quarter of the way through any jane austen (persuasion. be still, my beating heart) I'm practically begging for a couple. or dickens (our mutual friend! nicholas nickleby! bleak house!). there have been quite a few books I've read, though, that have handled romance so clumsily I've laughed at them in embarrassment -- pick any YA novel, seriously. gregor the overlander. the unwanteds. ("WHO…says…that?!")

favorite friendship, brother- or sisterhood 
1. justin and flavius or the mac clydno brothers
2. arthur (lord godalming), quincey morris, dr. seward, jonathan and mina harker
3. clive and ann
4. the penderwick sisters
5. pip and merry

I ship couples when I read. (and some of my favorites -- that sailed, or didn't.)
I actually still have a paper on which I progressively shipped while reading war & peace… I kind of totally called it. well, by the end. and what about andrei and sonya? ANDREI AND SONYA. do you feel me, here??? ann and major merrion in the merriweather chronicles. it didn't happen hasn't happened yet, but IT WILL. also drem and blai. charlie and rose. beatrice and benedict. cynan and niamh, for heaven's sake!

I still exchange valentines.
mainly with my family. this year I might branch out, because I'll be "celebrating" with friends this friday (haha, watching gregory peck and audrey hepburn and cary grant. what better way to celebrate loooooove?).

favorite valentine gift:
chocolate. ghirardelli 60% cacao.

personal views on valentine's day?
they were kind of laid out up there. I'm pretty 'whatever' about it. I don't really care about getting roses and candy -- well, no, candy's good -- as a way of showing love. hallmark cards are totally meh. I'd be a huge proponent if my love interest was into it, but as far as I'm concerned, I'd rather a day off to read :)

favorite sweet read?
hope was here. walk two moons. iron peacock.

favorite fairytale and why?
I love the one about the prince of denmark-turned-shepherd who gets the princess to love him by being kind to her. it's a roundabout way: first he tricks her into marrying him and then gives her tasks to do which she fails at (being a helpless princess), but he isn't upset with her -- she ends up saying she'd rather live in their hovel with him than be princess. except that he turns out to be prince, so she gets the best of both. I've loved it ever since I can remember.

favorite romantic gesture in a book?
when ness puts her hands on aquila's shoulders. I feel like crying every time. or sydney carton, putting the rag over charles darnay's face. I do cry every time. pat saying, "my lamb, what on earth is the matter?" and letting peggy cry on his shoulder and use his handkerchief ("not that handkerchief, you idiot! I've been using it to wipe down the windscreen. this one!"). of course, sheftu's public claim of mara's loyalty: "whatever bargain we make, daughter of the sun, must include her freedom." *fans self*

AND. after marguerite bites through the rope around sir percy's wrists, when he carries her back to the ship -- because her feet are so bruised and cut from following him so far.

favorite romantic movie?
princess bride and singin' in the rain are obviously going to rate pretty high, but I think my absolute favorite is roman holiday. which is ironic, considering the end, but their parting is such sweet sorrow that… oh, and now I'm quoting shakespeare. better stop.

my favorite literary couple
that's just mean. I can't stick to one answer when it's merely "favorite romantic gesture", are you kidding? probably, though, if my life depended on picking it… oh gosh. I'll just say one of my favorites, okay? jessica and lorenzo. they are adorable and hilarious. I want to marry a guy just like him when I grow up. x)

favorite opinion about love from a character
"I really don't see anything romantic in proposing. It is very romantic to be in love. But there is nothing romantic about a definite proposal. Why, one may be accepted. One usually is, I believe. Then the excitement is all over. The very essence of romance is uncertainty. If I ever get married, I'll certainly try to forget the fact."

favorite quote about love
actually, you'll just have to wait until the 14th for this one. ("one"? who am I kidding. you'll have to wait for those. plural.) but they'll be good, I promise.

have fun anticipating :)

11 February 2014

:: now's when my life begins ::

this past week I finished all my application forms and portfolio stuff and turned in the entire package to the arts department at UofL. 

I'm done.


I'm all done.

!!!!!!!
I could go running, and racing, and dancing, and chasing, and leaping, and bounding, hair flying, heart pounding -- 

no more essays! no more evaluating and naming artwork! no more scanning, re-scans, re-dos, recommendation letters, frustrations, or uncertainty! I mean, I'm still not certain I'll be accepted, but there's no heck of a way I can do anything about it now, so I might as well relax and enjoy it.  

you know, it's very strange. I have been in the studio-art-application business so long, now that it's over, I don't know what to do with the rest of my life.




actually, I was at the library yesterday. grass doesn't grow under my feet.

see you in the promised land. arrivederci, baby!

07 February 2014

:: [read in mr. darcy's apologetic voice] ::

I was talking to my bestest friend yesterday (no names mentioned, or anything, but kelsey you know who you are) and she said, considering my over-sensitivity to rebecca dew's ridiculous comment, that I was giving myself too hard a time and really being a fathead about it all. I mean, not in those exact words or even in that tone of voice, but her point was that I just seriously needed to get over myself because I'm being ridiculous.

most of that was the voice in my head combined with her (loving) words of common sense (I was exaggerating your message, kels. I know you didn't mean it that way x) ). so I'm here to apologize really loudly and clearly and… apologetically.


so, guys: I know I have an ego problem, and I know I was overreacting to l. m. montgomery's point -- which, if she really meant that beautiful people don't work, was wrong (I take no credit here! kelsey's words!) -- and I am so sorry for saddling you with my emotional, after-midnight issues.


yeah, I really did write that post after midnight. not smart at all. I'll stop that. and I'll also give myself a few whacks upside the head to clear it a little. and then I'll go read something uplifting, like northanger abbey. (haha, that one's just for my awesomest friend ever. meaning kelsey. obvs.)


woo, henry tilney!! on a new topic, who is the best hero in all of jane austen? …ha. just kidding. I don't think I want to go there. I have a hard enough time picking my favorite ice cream flavor.

06 February 2014

:: poetry - love and death ::

something about the last line of "keen" (edna st. vincent millay) haunts me. it's a beautiful poem, and on first read, it sounds sad. but I wonder. is it really describing a tragedy?

Weep him dead and mourn as you may,
Me, I sing as I must:
Blessèd be Death, that cuts in marble
What would have sunk to dust!

Blessèd be Death, that took my love
And buried him in the sea,
Where never a lie nor a bitter word
Will out of his mouth at me.

This I have to hold to my heart,
This to take by the hand:
Sweet we were for a summer month
As the sun on the dry white sand;

Mild we were for a summer month
As the wind from over the weirs.
And blessèd be Death, that hushed with salt
The harsh and slovenly years!

Who builds her house with love for timber
Builds her a house of foam.
And I'd liefer be bride to a lad gone down
Than widow to one safe home.

   except for the lines "sweet we were for a summer month" and "mild we were for a summer month", this young woman might seem pessimistic and cynical -- but she obviously loved the man who drowned. 
   that might be what makes the poem sad, except that I wonder if she really did. first they were "sweet", then they were "mild" (as if their love was waning already); all the descriptions of how they loved each other are transient. seasons are almost always symbols of change (especially with millay: "road to avrille" or this or this) -- summer turns to fall and feelings die -- and the wind and the foam are appropriately momentary to resemble temporary love. 
   her reaction, too, is more relieved than sorrowful. she is glad that death took him, before their love could dissolve into nothing, before she would have to live with his rejection and dislike. her sorrow over his death can be real: she can remember and mourn him truly, while she actually has something to mourn. she'd "built her a house of foam", a relationship based on nothing but momentary feeling. so she is thankful to have the dreams, the memories, without the heartbreak and disillusionment of reality.
   this girl would rather the man she loved dead: had he lived, their love would have died, and she is glad to remember him without pain. true love is selfless, serving, lasting until old age (even if that means undergoing "the harsh and slovenly years"). their love wasn't.
   and that, I think, is the true tragedy of the poem.  

03 February 2014

:: over-sensitivity is the dumbest thing ::

anne of green gables and all its sequels have always had a soft spot in my heart. to be pride-squashingly honest, I think it might be that I like imagining myself as anne, and, you know. being beautiful and well-liked and having everything work out and marrying some adorable, adoring guy while all my enemies look on jealously, and, you know.

you know too much, then.

anyway, something that has driven me nuts thinking about it over the past few weeks is one particular quote of rebecca dew's. I used to like rebecca dew; I still do, when I'm reading the book. but this bugs me partially because of what it says about me (and I'll get to that in a minute). 

so rebecca dew says, "'but if we were all beauties, who would do the work?'" -- "rather wistfully", I'll admit, but it's still philosophical and irritating. when I first read it, I thought it slightly humorous, in-character, and endearing. the more I think about it, the more I realize I'm over-sensitive and stupid. 
    I plow ahead anyway.
    it bothers me because, 1: how convenient for the un-beautiful to recognize their proper place in the world, accept it, and not burden the beautiful with their petty wishes to be better people (obviously not an option, since their faces just aren't as pleasant to look at). we're supposed to like rebecca dew for this. what, is she an example to the rest of us? guys, if you're not beautiful, be like rebecca dew and let the beautiful people have a chance to be all fake-humble while really on the inside being thankful they don't look like you
    2: I feel like I'm anne all through the book, so I'm everything anne is -- or, everything I'm not. reading this brings me crashing back down to reality and HEY PRESTO, it's me! the ordinary! the one for work, apparently. UGH.

I understand that's not what l. m. montgomery was (probably) trying to say, and that I have baggage (ha, just how much baggage you never quite realized!). the thing is, I don't think I'm pretty; I think I'm average, at best. ordinary. plain. I hate that this quote makes me feel at first all patronizing and, "oh, you're not so bad!" just because I of course have it so much better. and I hate that then I feel all awful that I'll never be the one someone looks at and wishes to be. 

…did that last sentence make any sense at all?

neither side works for me. I don't want to be the beautiful, looked-wistfully-up-to, but I don't want to be the wistful looker-upper, either. (IRONY: I'M A HYPOCRITE. of course I want to be wistfully admired! what I don't want is the patronizing attitude that I immediately feel upon reading this quote. and I really am a wistful looker-upper. which I dislike. because I want to be looked up to -- and we're roight back wheh we stahted! do you feel me, here?)

the anne series is kind of like meth for me. real life hurts when viewed through a WWAD lens -- even when merely contrasted with the anne life. it hurts so badly that the only way to escape is to go into the anne world and forget about real life for a while. 
    and you have to take more and more. and you hallucinate, and your friends leave you, and you commit crimes to keep up your habit and you starve to death focusing on your addiction and it's horrible so STOP READING ANNE BOOKS!!!!! 

I'm afraid my little comparison got slightly muddled somewhere in there. probably I'm just not beautiful enough for things to go smoothly. right.