anyway, friedan.
"Where will it end?," she asks, about the stress and emptiness and 'disease' of the early-60s American housewife, who looks for vicarious life in her children and tries to find an ultimate feminine identity in sex.
I think it will not end, as long as the feminine mystique masks the emptiness of the housewife role, encouraging girls to evade their own growth by vicarious living, by noncommitment. We have gone on too long blaming or pitying the mothers who devour their children, who sow the seeds of progressive dehumanization, because they have never grown to full humanity themselves.I am not a feminist in the current definition of the word; I agree 100% that women are fully human and deserve the full rights that men have been given for years -- and that double standards exist and that unfairness and oppression towards females has been common for years and that should be dealt with. but I believe this because I believe women and men are made in the image of God; that we, as His creatures, are "fearfully and wonderfully made" "a little lower than the angels, and crowned with glory and honor." so I value people and I value life; I value the amazing differences between men and women, and -- as long as we're talking about women -- I am in awe of the incredible strength and wisdom and ability countless women over the ages have displayed. women are a wonderful expression of God's creativity.
friedan's book is a little dated (to be expected!), and some of the cultural movements she highlights are somewhat past. her book is secular; I don't agree with her underlying humanistic worldview and her stress that housekeeping is inherently soul-killing (she literally compares it to a concentration camp) and therefore women need something outside the house in which to find ultimate purpose.
nah fam: I believe everyone's ultimate purpose is found outside the house, that our chief end is to glorify God and enjoy Him forever. that outside purpose is eternal and will last even when all the outer human things -- from material wealth to human necessities to bare human dignity -- are stripped away because of human sin and sometimes unbelievable depravity. nothing can separate us from the love of God, which is personal, which was displayed in the ultimate humanity of His Son who died for each and every one of His children -- females included.
because God so valued people, I value people. the bible (despite what some may think) is an amazingly counter-cultural valuer of women and their abilities. and so I can agree wholeheartedly with friedan's practical application: women need to find their own identities and be their own people to not wholly lose heart. we are not made to have a "passive childlike dependency and immaturity" -- that is a weird and stupid cultural construct which absolutely mistakes real femininity!
Our society forces boys, insofar as it can, to grow up, to endure the pains of growth, to educate themselves to work, to move on. Why aren't girls forced to grow up -- to achieve somehow the core of self that will end the unnecessary dilemma, the mistaken choice between femaleness and humanness that is implied in the feminine mystique?YES. I have felt the tension of this choice. -- not because somebody wanted to marry me, hahahaha -- because sometimes high school, college, work is hard and I imagine what it would be like to just be married and not have an outside schedule imposed on me; not have someone else's deadline to meet; stay at home and, yes, I'm so, so sorry, my hardworking mother, have it "easy". (lemme tell you, it ain't easy. I don't know what crazy I was smoking when I thought that. I've since realized how much work it is to run a home well, and I'm more scared of homemaking at this point than professional development.)
it's promulgated in the conservative christian world; stemming from a rightful value on marriage and children, but smothered in what's become traditional but not necessarily biblical mandates. to differing degrees in different churches, among different groups, of course, but when I picture vision forum I see a terrible emphasis on dresses and roses and tea and no higher education. there is nothing wrong with choosing any of those things, but they aren't biblical rules! and the stress on "girls grow up to be mommies" with no acknowledgment of the single state not only ostracizes the single women, it hurts the barren woman; it hurts the young mother struggling to be and do it all; it hurts the couple where the husband likes to cook and the wife enjoys changing the oil. the proverbs 31 woman is resourceful, frugal, prudent, hardworking, who can make money without giving up her femaleness, her wifeness, her motherness. I'm not talking about a woman with a full-time job that takes her away from raising her children (though there are also many perspectives there, even within the church), but is it wrong for a woman to "make linen garments and sell them"? by some Spirit-inspired interpretation, apparently not.
ever read raising maidens of virtue? remember the story about the girl in the grocery store, carrying a doll, stopped by some woman -- clearly secular, clearly hell-bound, because she's like wearing pants or something -- who asks her "what do you want to be when you grow up"? the girl responds, "a mommy" (with the requisite adoring look at her own (probably flowing-floral-dress-clad) mommy), and the Secular Witch sniffs dismissively, "yes, yes, but -- a doctor, a dancer, an astronaut; what do you want to be?"
the point of this story is to remind us that motherhood is the most valuable job a woman can perform; that femininity is found in being a wife and mother, fulfilling the role that God has designed for us, and isn't that beautiful?
again, YES. wifehood and motherhood are beautiful! but marriage isn't for everyone; neither are children (plz don't get caught up in the birth control debate here. for simplicity I'm only talking about barrenness: many women would love to have children and can't. do you believe in a sovereign God? then stop telling them motherhood is the ultimate woman's way. IT'S NOT).
if you hadn't noticed, I'm single. (my preachy soapbox rants may or may not have something to do with that.) there are times when I struggle with the near-idolization of marriage in the christian (and I'm thinking of my own beloved reformed baptist) church. telling girls that their ultimate role is to be a wife and mother is a lie and it will only lead to brokenness.
girls: your ultimate role is to love and serve the Lord in whatever responsibility, to whatever capacity He's given you. when you delight yourself in Him, He will give you the desires of your heart -- not marriage. not children. Himself. when He delights you, He will be the desire of your heart, and He will fill your emptiness the way no husband, no children, no career ever can.
"your emptiness." I said it. not because you're a woman and don't have a penis. you are empty the way all humans are, devoid of goodness, full of sin; if you are unsaved, you are dead to God and to His grace. Jesus's righteousness is your only hope, as a man, woman, or any other gender interpretation that you identify with, and His sacrificial death means that your sin has been paid for. you have full and free access to God through Christ if you go to Him and ask Him to receive you.
in turn, He will ask that you live your life for Him. what a small price to pay, for peace and joy and hope and eternal life -- with the One who loved you and gave Himself for you. you would turn down that kind of love?
and living your life for Him: that's your ultimate purpose, women -- men -- housewives -- stay-at-home dads -- career-people of indeterminate gender.
you lose your self to find it in Christ. this is the ultimate identity.
