there are a lot of things that scare and unnerve me, honestly, from burglars to stephen king novels to the dark, but I think my worst fear is ultimately change. I hate change. (not the nice jingle-jangle hot little hebrew coin kind, the variability and mutation and uncertainty kind that leads to scary words like "different" and "progress".)
I know that being scared of progress is one of the stupidest fears to have, but I really hate the idea of infinity and rushing on to an indefinite end -- which is what I feel progress is. like, the ingenuity of man is so immense that I know people will continue to imagine and create on into the future, but part of me feels that we can only actually get so far; that we can only progress to a certain point and won't be able to go any farther. so I'm like, maybe we can slow down a little and not get there so fast? -- I don't actually articulate this. but that's the sort of feeling I get.
the pressure to continually make original things is another part of 'progress' terrifying to me. (a new iphone every year? I actively don't think about it, because I get stressed.) I suppose I feel like the world can only hold so much or so many, and we're overcrowding the categories of 'things that are' with more. (typefaces. it really makes me weirdly uncomfortable thinking about all the new fonts churned out every day, because don't we have enough? aren't we filling the world up unnecessarily, and haven't we already exhausted the possible design combinations??)
is this weird?
well, probably, but I have these thoughts. really I brought up my overarching fear of change because it's something I recognized not too long ago and think is actually a problem that needs to be fixed. I'm so uncomfortable with change -- partly because it's so exhausting keeping up with the constant happenings of the world in news and politics and wars, personal events in town, larger-scale things in the state or country or world -- that I end up avoiding everything because I just don't feel capable of facing it. how is that being a productive member of society?
fear of change, for me, is tied in several ways to laziness. it means I don't have to pursue making anything better, because it's probably good enough. I don't itch to learn new things or expand my knowledge; I just know I'm going to be the old lady who still uses a laptop with a cord!!! in like 50 years because I won't be willing to learn whatever technology the kids are using in 2067. I feel it in my young bones already.
this summer I want to practice embracing change and new things. new things don't need to scare me. new things, I've found, are never as scary when you actually face them as they were when you sat around not facing them but imagining the worst-case scenario of what it would probably be like. ultimately, change will happen whether I want it to or not, so I might as well get used to it and go along with it. I hate that change is messy; but the things is, I don't have to always be in control. I can let things go and relax -- because again, messy will happen whether I want it to or not, so I might as well get used to it. I can practice dealing with change: a much better skill than successfully avoiding it. I don't want to stagnate, either!
really, what's so bad about something new? I don't want the unfamiliarity, the not-knowing, the out-of-my-control, and -- like when it comes to language -- it already works just fine! why change it? I like it the way it is. I love that we can read the history of english in its words, trace etymology and culture through the yes, inconsistent-as-a-spelling-system inventory of english lexical entries. I worry that in a few generations people will need shakespeare translated like chaucer.
so I remind myself that -- hey. it's going to happen. you can do nothing to stop it, so don't waste your time fretting over it. I may not like the specific "progress" made somewhere, but the world would be boring if it was forever the same. and even in design, aren't we always told "done not perfect"? things can always be better, and I can at least spend my life making things around me better -- changing them.
that's my big thought for this summer: I want to be okay with new. to flex when things don't go as planned, learn to let go of my expectations and fears about the future. there's always hope, so just roll with it: everything will be okay.
Showing posts with label unrealistic future plans. Show all posts
Showing posts with label unrealistic future plans. Show all posts
01 May 2017
17 June 2016
:: reading & other summer things ::
work and productivity and swimming are all things taking up my summer time at the moment: my design internship is three days a week, swimming is basically at least an hour every afternoon, and then I fit everything else in the cracks between.
"everything else":
- free online classes through harvard
(YES. go take some. they are spectacular, especially professor kelly's first nights series -- I just finished monteverdi's l'orfeo and it was magnificent. both the opera and the course.)
- lettering practice + videos through sean mccabe's learn lettering series
(which I unreservedly recommend as well)
- reading out loud to brother and sisters
(the brother is 8, the sisters are 6 and 10. a third, almost 3, sometimes accompanies. we've made it through the first two peter and the starcatchers books and are almost done with book one of the incorrigible children of ashton place. I need to find #s3 and 4 of peter and finish that before plunging into maryrose wood's utterly delightful saga. love that simon harley-dickinson. ahem.)
- memorizing all of "I've been everywhere" by johnny cash
(first verse, check. second verse... we'll get there someday.
haha.)
- planning my TRIP TO CALIFORNIA
(yes, but that's as per usual and I'll mention it a lot in the future, so just know I'm going for almost the month of july and planning on enjoying myself hugely. except trips aren't so fun when you're on your own; but I'll make it work. heh.)
- reading in my head, to myself. for fun.
(what is that.)
this is where my list really comes to the point. I've checked quite a lot of books out of our online library woo and actually read -- get this -- thirty books in may. yes, three-zero. I've been practically inhaling them, but you have to remember it's been a long time since I had this time or this opportunity. june's been a lot more busy, and I'm not going to read nearly that many for the rest of the year; especially since I just started leo tolstoy's war and peace this morning.
I'll obviously be reading war and peace for a while -- I swear, a single "book" that is divided into fifteen poly-chaptered books should not have the need for a second epilogue -- and I'm going to do my best to record my live-streaming thoughts this time around. last time I started in probably book 12 or 13 and wrote down all my shipping as the plot line progressed (still have that paper; pretty hilarious), and I've decided to start at the beginning this time and write slightly more of-content thoughts -- although what's a good russian novel without some hearty love interests, amirite. especially since like everyone ends up with the wrong person and then half of them die and they reshuffle so you get to pair 25% of them around like three times. whee. fun.
those russians, goshdarn and bless their hearts.
yeah. so the result may end up slightly muddled and circular and inconclusive like my night train to lisbon series, but I'm aiming for something more like my oliver twist thing, only hopefully more sophisticated. but not much because w&p is still way way over my head. still, I love it, love it, and hopefully I'll keep understanding better as I grow with it. (those are the best books, that grow with you.) and really, tolstoy is the master. -- my dad was a russian lit major in college for about a year, and he must have handed something down to me. I remember reading one of our pushkin anthologies when I was 9; pushkin and me, we go way back.
enough about russian novels. takeaway: w&p will be read and commented upon, so stay tuned for the upcoming tears (AHH FORGIVENESS and REDEMPTION), guilty boredom and tears (AAH MORE WAR DESCRIPTION I don't undersTAND), and gushing and tears (AN. DREI. BOL. KON. SKY. JUST STAHP).
I'm afraid you're in for a lot of all-caps and tears. I'll try to tone it down. (but seriously: TOLSTOY!!
I clutch my heart and die dramatic russian death)
"everything else":
- free online classes through harvard
(YES. go take some. they are spectacular, especially professor kelly's first nights series -- I just finished monteverdi's l'orfeo and it was magnificent. both the opera and the course.)
- lettering practice + videos through sean mccabe's learn lettering series
(which I unreservedly recommend as well)
- reading out loud to brother and sisters
(the brother is 8, the sisters are 6 and 10. a third, almost 3, sometimes accompanies. we've made it through the first two peter and the starcatchers books and are almost done with book one of the incorrigible children of ashton place. I need to find #s3 and 4 of peter and finish that before plunging into maryrose wood's utterly delightful saga. love that simon harley-dickinson. ahem.)
- memorizing all of "I've been everywhere" by johnny cash
(first verse, check. second verse... we'll get there someday.
haha.)
- planning my TRIP TO CALIFORNIA
(yes, but that's as per usual and I'll mention it a lot in the future, so just know I'm going for almost the month of july and planning on enjoying myself hugely. except trips aren't so fun when you're on your own; but I'll make it work. heh.)
- reading in my head, to myself. for fun.
(what is that.)
this is where my list really comes to the point. I've checked quite a lot of books out of our online library woo and actually read -- get this -- thirty books in may. yes, three-zero. I've been practically inhaling them, but you have to remember it's been a long time since I had this time or this opportunity. june's been a lot more busy, and I'm not going to read nearly that many for the rest of the year; especially since I just started leo tolstoy's war and peace this morning.
I'll obviously be reading war and peace for a while -- I swear, a single "book" that is divided into fifteen poly-chaptered books should not have the need for a second epilogue -- and I'm going to do my best to record my live-streaming thoughts this time around. last time I started in probably book 12 or 13 and wrote down all my shipping as the plot line progressed (still have that paper; pretty hilarious), and I've decided to start at the beginning this time and write slightly more of-content thoughts -- although what's a good russian novel without some hearty love interests, amirite. especially since like everyone ends up with the wrong person and then half of them die and they reshuffle so you get to pair 25% of them around like three times. whee. fun.
those russians, goshdarn and bless their hearts.
yeah. so the result may end up slightly muddled and circular and inconclusive like my night train to lisbon series, but I'm aiming for something more like my oliver twist thing, only hopefully more sophisticated. but not much because w&p is still way way over my head. still, I love it, love it, and hopefully I'll keep understanding better as I grow with it. (those are the best books, that grow with you.) and really, tolstoy is the master. -- my dad was a russian lit major in college for about a year, and he must have handed something down to me. I remember reading one of our pushkin anthologies when I was 9; pushkin and me, we go way back.
enough about russian novels. takeaway: w&p will be read and commented upon, so stay tuned for the upcoming tears (AHH FORGIVENESS and REDEMPTION), guilty boredom and tears (AAH MORE WAR DESCRIPTION I don't undersTAND), and gushing and tears (AN. DREI. BOL. KON. SKY. JUST STAHP).
I'm afraid you're in for a lot of all-caps and tears. I'll try to tone it down. (but seriously: TOLSTOY!!
I clutch my heart and die dramatic russian death)
28 April 2015
:: since I've been gone ::
I have had a week of glorious freedom, and it's time for me to chill out, settle down, and deal with the little leftover shreds of life that I have neglected since approximately december.
today is beautiful and I'm reading (and thoroughly enjoying) kathryn stockett's the help, so this is going to be short and sweet. you can't expect more brilliance or commitment from my sporadic posts. sic transit gloria blog-posti. duh.
and probably it won't be short, actually, either. but it will be a list, which is at least much shorter than a wordy post. wordy lists are my specialty.
updates, not in order of importance, with the most important last:
#1. waaaaay back in february, I got a job!! it made this semester much more difficult, but I love this place and the semester could have gone much worse (see #3). karen is a fantastic boss, and I am truly loving serving free coffee and reading books. every girl's dream, what?
#2. I got a $2,000 scholarship through the art institute.
yeah. I know: wow. the first money I've received by merit. I was blown away.
#3. my meteorology class almost killed me this semester. it was really hard (in weird ways), and I struggled. on top of trying to get into the graphic design program and working at karen's, it was really stressful and I cried frequently. this was a very, very hard winter for me -- but it's done! it's done!! -- and I seriously considered dropping the class. but I decided to push through.
and then I got a B. this was crushing, not just because of the heart and soul of me I'd poured into my work, but I really wanted to keep a 4.0 GPA if at all possible. apparently not possible, right?
well, today when my professor uploaded the official, final grades, she weighted some of the assignments, incidentally ones I had done well on.
I actually got an A.
#4. my graphic design teacher (leslie friesen) offered an internship opportunity to me usually only available to upperclassmen. she asked three students from our class if they wanted one of the two positions, and we had to apply if we were interested. two of us responded, but we were in competition with seven others from our to-be-boss brian faust's web design class. my interview went really, really badly.
somehow, I got the position. it's paid, and starts mid-may.
#5. I have plane tickets for my trip to kelsey's wedding. YAY! I'm so excited for her!! (and for me, too...)
#6. I bought a dress, for the wedding, that should also be arriving mid-may. it's handmade, and it's from italy. and it will have a pocket. embarras de richesse.
#7. we're going to kitty hawk for a little relaxing beach fix this coming week; I cannot wait.
and --
#8. I was accepted into the graphic design program.
this has been the best first week of summer ever. possibly of my life. I am unutterably grateful to God for all this abundance of mercy that has suddenly broken over my head -- innumerable blessings that came in such dreaded clouds. I don't know what His purpose was, and I definitely don't know what it is to be in the future, but I have renewed hope and confidence.
this is going to be a thrilling summer. I'm trying new things and really exploring who I am. those old mists are rising: the world lies spread before me and -- it has been an adventure already!
today is beautiful and I'm reading (and thoroughly enjoying) kathryn stockett's the help, so this is going to be short and sweet. you can't expect more brilliance or commitment from my sporadic posts. sic transit gloria blog-posti. duh.
and probably it won't be short, actually, either. but it will be a list, which is at least much shorter than a wordy post. wordy lists are my specialty.
updates, not in order of importance, with the most important last:
#1. waaaaay back in february, I got a job!! it made this semester much more difficult, but I love this place and the semester could have gone much worse (see #3). karen is a fantastic boss, and I am truly loving serving free coffee and reading books. every girl's dream, what?
#2. I got a $2,000 scholarship through the art institute.
yeah. I know: wow. the first money I've received by merit. I was blown away.
#3. my meteorology class almost killed me this semester. it was really hard (in weird ways), and I struggled. on top of trying to get into the graphic design program and working at karen's, it was really stressful and I cried frequently. this was a very, very hard winter for me -- but it's done! it's done!! -- and I seriously considered dropping the class. but I decided to push through.
and then I got a B. this was crushing, not just because of the heart and soul of me I'd poured into my work, but I really wanted to keep a 4.0 GPA if at all possible. apparently not possible, right?
well, today when my professor uploaded the official, final grades, she weighted some of the assignments, incidentally ones I had done well on.
I actually got an A.
#4. my graphic design teacher (leslie friesen) offered an internship opportunity to me usually only available to upperclassmen. she asked three students from our class if they wanted one of the two positions, and we had to apply if we were interested. two of us responded, but we were in competition with seven others from our to-be-boss brian faust's web design class. my interview went really, really badly.
somehow, I got the position. it's paid, and starts mid-may.
#5. I have plane tickets for my trip to kelsey's wedding. YAY! I'm so excited for her!! (and for me, too...)
#6. I bought a dress, for the wedding, that should also be arriving mid-may. it's handmade, and it's from italy. and it will have a pocket. embarras de richesse.
#7. we're going to kitty hawk for a little relaxing beach fix this coming week; I cannot wait.
and --
#8. I was accepted into the graphic design program.
this has been the best first week of summer ever. possibly of my life. I am unutterably grateful to God for all this abundance of mercy that has suddenly broken over my head -- innumerable blessings that came in such dreaded clouds. I don't know what His purpose was, and I definitely don't know what it is to be in the future, but I have renewed hope and confidence.
this is going to be a thrilling summer. I'm trying new things and really exploring who I am. those old mists are rising: the world lies spread before me and -- it has been an adventure already!
11 December 2014
:: the last final ::
...sounds like thrilling story, right?
well, it's not (unless my life is a story, which would be definitely fabulous, though extremely improbable). my last final is this evening at 5.30 (*insert gagging face here*) but the upside is that when I wake up tomorrow I will be a FREE WOMAN until next semester but let's not go there just yet.
"free" to, you know, fill out applications for scholarships and write essays and catch up on all the relationships and obligations I've ignored for the past three months. "free" is, of course, relative.
one of those obligations being to update my reading and my thinking and all, here, I will be getting to that. soon. ish.
this year, I did keep a list of all the books I read (and re-read) -- literally, every single book for my entire year. it's lovely to look back and remember where I was and what was going on (my name is asher lev, for example, was read in a near-snow-bound house in michigan just hours before our trek back to notre dame to watch 'coriolanus' with tom hiddleston and hadley fraser and mark gatiss. I've mentioned that before, right? it was a huge life-highlight, so I'd better have).
aaaanyway, that list will be extraordinarily helpful when I do my 2014 life roundup -- if I actually do it. before new years. -- because I love lists and I love concise, quantitative measurements of my year. (if you think that neither "concise" nor "quantitative" makes sense, you do not understand that sentence. read it again and grasp my full, deep meaning or give up and admitmy utter incapability with words your intellectual lack.)
but I'm getting ahead of myself. that last final still hangs over my head. *sigh*
cheerio.
well, it's not (unless my life is a story, which would be definitely fabulous, though extremely improbable). my last final is this evening at 5.30 (*insert gagging face here*) but the upside is that when I wake up tomorrow I will be a FREE WOMAN until next semester but let's not go there just yet.
"free" to, you know, fill out applications for scholarships and write essays and catch up on all the relationships and obligations I've ignored for the past three months. "free" is, of course, relative.
one of those obligations being to update my reading and my thinking and all, here, I will be getting to that. soon. ish.
this year, I did keep a list of all the books I read (and re-read) -- literally, every single book for my entire year. it's lovely to look back and remember where I was and what was going on (my name is asher lev, for example, was read in a near-snow-bound house in michigan just hours before our trek back to notre dame to watch 'coriolanus' with tom hiddleston and hadley fraser and mark gatiss. I've mentioned that before, right? it was a huge life-highlight, so I'd better have).
aaaanyway, that list will be extraordinarily helpful when I do my 2014 life roundup -- if I actually do it. before new years. -- because I love lists and I love concise, quantitative measurements of my year. (if you think that neither "concise" nor "quantitative" makes sense, you do not understand that sentence. read it again and grasp my full, deep meaning or give up and admit
but I'm getting ahead of myself. that last final still hangs over my head. *sigh*
cheerio.
11 November 2014
:: long time no see ::
wow, I've been gone a while. (not in post-count, necessarily, although the 28th of october was a while ago; but the 28th was cheating, because all I did was copy and paste. so if you don't count the cheater posts, it's been a long time.)
how are you?
me, I'm fantastic. I have two-and-a-half weeks of school left in this semester, not counting my week for thanksgiving break or the week in which everyone on campus has finals except me, apparently (lucky or what). I am so close to having survived my very first semester WOOOOO that I feel like just saying so will jinx it.
I've been doing some sketchy word-writing, too. not enough to really post it, but I haven't had the time or energy to devote to a real post (or project) -- seriously, I have to do 5 journal sketches and (at least) two drawings a week; the drawings are supposed to add up to 5 hours of work. so yeah, I've been busy.
however, I am so in love with robert frost right now, that I have one of those sketchy-things-I-was-saying-I-wouldn't-post right here, because at least it's something I've actually done and not more "I'm busy" fluff.
:p
also, honestly, I just like the way pictures look in a blog post. it makes it so much more visually interesting, you know? even if it is a really blurry phone picture. I'm sorry!!!
how are you?
me, I'm fantastic. I have two-and-a-half weeks of school left in this semester, not counting my week for thanksgiving break or the week in which everyone on campus has finals except me, apparently (lucky or what). I am so close to having survived my very first semester WOOOOO that I feel like just saying so will jinx it.
I've been doing some sketchy word-writing, too. not enough to really post it, but I haven't had the time or energy to devote to a real post (or project) -- seriously, I have to do 5 journal sketches and (at least) two drawings a week; the drawings are supposed to add up to 5 hours of work. so yeah, I've been busy.
however, I am so in love with robert frost right now, that I have one of those sketchy-things-I-was-saying-I-wouldn't-post right here, because at least it's something I've actually done and not more "I'm busy" fluff.
:p
also, honestly, I just like the way pictures look in a blog post. it makes it so much more visually interesting, you know? even if it is a really blurry phone picture. I'm sorry!!!
03 October 2014
:: fall in all its break-y glory ::
"break-y glory" haha. I don't know what I was thinking. *chuckles quietly to self
I'm in a really, really good mood right now. like, the power literally just went off because we're in the middle of a gorgeous rainstorm, but my computer has hours of power so I can keep typing without having to save in the middle, but that's not why I'm in a good mood. it just has to do with everything.
today has been so productive. I worked on my martin luther paper for history class; did a big chunk of my math project; completed my resume for gen 101 (have I mentioned UGH but I did it); sent in my vaccine information; finished, photographed, and uploaded this week's journal drawings for art 106; and that means I have not only very little to do tomorrow, but
I HAVE MONDAY AND TUESDAY OFF BECAUSE IT'S FALL BREAK!! BOOYAH!!!
also, I love rainstorms.
and we have earl grey tea (which is my favorite, with a little sugar and some cream).
plus, it's friday, and I just like fridays a whole lot. maybe because I'm in love. xD *cracks self up*
let's see, any other reasons today has been good? good hair day. of course, it only happens when I'm not on campus, but it makes me feel really gorgeous all day.
sitting on the floor in my pjs.
dropping crumbs everywhere while I try to eat and do homework at once.
utter gorgeousness.
WHATEVER. my hair feels good, okay?
I've found a little more time to read recently, and that feels fabulous, too. I always forget how much I love the way my mind feels while I'm reading -- which is a really odd way to put it, but I'm not super good with describing anything feelings.
there is a confession I have to make, though. yesterday was national poetry day, and I utterly dropped the ball. several months ago (as in, maybe mid-august), I realized that by this time I'd be swamped and I should get together some posts on poetry -- pictures, a video or two, typography, you know. but I never did it, as dr. seuss would say, and now it's too late. I was going to host this whole amazing poetry PARTY, basically, and devote an entire week to the glorious stuff, but only collected material for maybe one post and then didn't even post it on the second.
guess there's always next year. oh well.
some spontaneous inspiration has hit me during class, though, so I'll be posting a little more frequently. probably. maybe. hopefully.
have a wonderful fall break, everybody, because I definitely will. even though for anyone to have more fun than I do is basically impossible. sorry guys.
11 September 2014
:: what to expect from college ::
exhaustion.
stress.
frustration.
panic attacks.
then to look at the cons...
just kidding! it's not nearly so bad. I mean, yes, I have experienced all those things so far (except the panic attacks, hahaha! wouldn't that be just too dramatic), but they really are the downsides. I'm enjoying it so far. for the most part.
anyway, if you want to see what CLASSWORK is like -- and believe me, that was a NEW CONCEPT for this SHELTERED HOMESCHOOLER -- here is a picture of some of mine.
ta-da! and would you believe this is basically extra credit? because it wasn't even assigned!! I am an overachiever.
really, I was waiting for my instructor to show up and I couldn't get that rogue valley song out of my head and I am so excited about the leaves falling and the strikingly blue sky and the crisp air and the apples, so I wrote 'autumn' over and over and some nice little autumnal quotes (mainly keats, but one not keats) and then, inevitably, the first verse of That Rogue Valley Song.
which I will now proceed to show you, because my life is so devoid of other-than-college that I can only supply pictures relating to... college. sorry. I'm trying to read castle rackrent, really I am, but that might have to wait until fall break. when I will be working on my research paper, so... so yeah. my life in a nutshell. or piece of binder paper, whichever you prefer.
stress.
frustration.
panic attacks.
then to look at the cons...
just kidding! it's not nearly so bad. I mean, yes, I have experienced all those things so far (except the panic attacks, hahaha! wouldn't that be just too dramatic), but they really are the downsides. I'm enjoying it so far. for the most part.
anyway, if you want to see what CLASSWORK is like -- and believe me, that was a NEW CONCEPT for this SHELTERED HOMESCHOOLER -- here is a picture of some of mine.
ta-da! and would you believe this is basically extra credit? because it wasn't even assigned!! I am an overachiever.
really, I was waiting for my instructor to show up and I couldn't get that rogue valley song out of my head and I am so excited about the leaves falling and the strikingly blue sky and the crisp air and the apples, so I wrote 'autumn' over and over and some nice little autumnal quotes (mainly keats, but one not keats) and then, inevitably, the first verse of That Rogue Valley Song.
which I will now proceed to show you, because my life is so devoid of other-than-college that I can only supply pictures relating to... college. sorry. I'm trying to read castle rackrent, really I am, but that might have to wait until fall break. when I will be working on my research paper, so... so yeah. my life in a nutshell. or piece of binder paper, whichever you prefer.
24 July 2014
:: calligraphy ::
compulsive over-sharer, right here!
it's disappointing to see what I do in reality, when the picture in my head is so much better, but I'm happy to say that I love doing it, even if I'm not stellar yet :)
also, I don't speak french, but I love this poem.
p. s. my hand is exhausted.
03 June 2014
:: OH-ree-en-TAY-shun ::
yeeeeee-aaaah guess who just got home from a two-day orientation at everybody's favorite college!!!
…
you're totally right. it was way not that exciting. most of it was an exhausting, mind-numbing, information overload, and it is a little freaky how empty your brain feels at the end of the day, because you know that there was some SUPER-IMPORTANT piece of knowledge that the REST OF YOUR COLLEGE EXPERIENCE (at best) or the REST OF YOUR ENTIRE CAREER AND LIFE (at worst and most probable) rests on that little piece…and you're so tired you probably missed it.
which is kind of a sucky feeling to spend the day in. or the two days, if you're attending Everybody's Favorite College, which I am, which probably didn't need to be repeated.
on the bright side, my orientation group was great. my "student orientation staffer" -- or, in the dearly-beloved college language of acronyms, my SOSer -- was taylor, and she was perky and pretty great. she knew a lot and she kept us going. go twizzlers, am I right?
then there was madyson, jordan, nathan, bailey, cj, jennifer, kaelin, and maggie. I have rated them in order of fun-ness.
JUST KIDDING, GUYS, I LOVE YOU ALL.
it was weird how emotionally attached I got to my group, though; I had this crazy separation anxiety until I could find them again, if we were split up for anything. towards the end of day 2, I was part of a differently-membered campus tour group, and when bailey showed up, I was like, "HEY GIRL HOW ARE YOU I'VE MISSED YOU SO MUCH BECAUSE I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU IN BASICALLY TEN MINUTES!!!!"
it was maybe not that exuberant, but close. she looked a little terrified of the crazy clingy homeschooler.
yep, that's me, folks. feel the love.
everybody was really sweet to me, though, and I absolutely appreciated it. I went into the whole experience worried that I'd come across as the naive, sheltered homeschooler that… I… am… *ahem* that people think of homeschoolers as being, right, and also that a name like "deryn" will come across as weird and impossibly hard to remember.
well, it kind of cuts both ways, because while it may not be "olivia" or "ashley" or, heck, "jacqueline", once you get it, you've got it. "deryn" isn't your typical name. needless to say, people using my name is a very emotional experience for me; I might tear up and get all weepy. which I wanted to do several times when people were like, "hey deryn…" and I was like "OH, YOU KNOW MY NAME LET ME HUG YOU" -- more or less.
so that was a rough overview of my orientation experience. true, there were a few other things I learned. don't step on the bird (or you have to kiss it). freshman dorms are not 5-star hotels. our side is crunker than, crunker than your side. when you don't know how to nicely wrap something up, say "go cards" and sit down. -- oh, right, and, small detail, I registered for classes. (not only did I spend more money at one whack than I ever have before in my life, it means)
THIS GIRL IS NOW A COLLEGE STUDENT BOOYAH!!
and
and
...go cards. *sits*
02 April 2014
:: back to the drawing board, literally ::
when I was a young warthog, still looking into colleges and wondering how in the world I was going to pass for a college student -- because I can't be college-age yet, that's too old. and also because I was a warthog -- I corresponded once or twice with the head of the eku art dept., herb goodman (thanks, professor! it was really helpful!). his last advice to me: "draw every day."
yeah, every day sounds easy. it also sounds fun, especially for someone who claims that's what she wants to do for, like, the rest of her life, world without end, amen.
but I have failed miserably at this.
MISERABLY.
I essentially put the "miserable" in "les miserables". if only because "les miserables" contains "miserable", and like nothing else does, and because I can relate to everyone in the story, between my conflictedness and guilt and singing in the rain.
-- if you have a come-on-with-the-rain-I've-a-smile-on-my-face kind of song in your head right now, you have the wrong musical. I feel much more the-rain-will-make-the-flowers-drown at the moment.
to get myself out of this slump, I'm going to do this 30-day drawing challenge. I need to get my hand back in and this is a way to make me do it. accountability is everything. I hope.
so: KEEP ME ACCOUNTABLE. hey, you draw, too, and it will be like us doing it together. except we're not really together. that would be weird. (all right, all right. I just have austen on my mind, I guess. bear with me.) I'm actually rereading dune, so things are going to get real intense, real fast. "'No more terrible disaster could befall your people than for them to fall into the hands of a Hero….'"
yeah, every day sounds easy. it also sounds fun, especially for someone who claims that's what she wants to do for, like, the rest of her life, world without end, amen.
but I have failed miserably at this.
MISERABLY.
I essentially put the "miserable" in "les miserables". if only because "les miserables" contains "miserable", and like nothing else does, and because I can relate to everyone in the story, between my conflictedness and guilt and singing in the rain.
-- if you have a come-on-with-the-rain-I've-a-smile-on-my-face kind of song in your head right now, you have the wrong musical. I feel much more the-rain-will-make-the-flowers-drown at the moment.
to get myself out of this slump, I'm going to do this 30-day drawing challenge. I need to get my hand back in and this is a way to make me do it. accountability is everything. I hope.
so: KEEP ME ACCOUNTABLE. hey, you draw, too, and it will be like us doing it together. except we're not really together. that would be weird. (all right, all right. I just have austen on my mind, I guess. bear with me.) I'm actually rereading dune, so things are going to get real intense, real fast. "'No more terrible disaster could befall your people than for them to fall into the hands of a Hero….'"
24 March 2014
:: sometimes it's not just sour grapes ::
you know when you really want something, and you can't have it, but in the end you're actually really glad you didn't get it?
no?
me neither.
that's one of the odd topics that edwin arlington robinson touches on in his poem "richard cory". not many people are familiar with edwin arlington robinson; I am only familiar with a few of his poems, even less with him. I like what I've read enough to be curious about his other stuff, but not curious enough to have already done the research. later.
maybe.
"richard cory" is pretty self-explanatory. there's this dude. he's rich. everybody's like "WOO RICHARD CORY" -- only quietly and respectfully -- and the last line is breathtakingly shocking and raw and revelatory. but what I like about the poem is it's extraordinary relatable-ness. it's extraordinary because you can relate to both sides at once.
robinson sets up cory's status right away: "we people on the pavement". "we people" are removed from this one man by an intangible social status displayed in the very tangible mode of travel. he's in a vehicle, on the road, while everyone else relies on their own two feet. but there's something of high breeding and quality even in the way he looks.
not only is this man a gentleman, he's rich. (pun! …get it? if you don't get it, sucks for you. I'm hilarious.) despite this money, richard cory doesn't parade himself; he's quiet, unassuming, polite. and this personableness … personability? hrm … makes even the plebs like him. pulses flutter. we on the pavement watch him go by, all, 'dude, that richard cory's where it's at, man.'
to tell the truth, we all know people like that, right? people who have everything, at least everything we want. money, grace, looks, charm, popularity. it's bad how badly I feel that way sometimes: this feeling that if I wish or want it hard enough, there just isn't a way for me to not get it. because I'm so deserving.
obviously, though, I'm not. I don't deserve any of what I've been given. why aren't I grateful for what I have? seriously: I have so much.
mama is always reminding me -- sure, this friend or that friend may not have the same struggles I do. olivia is outgoing, unselfconscious, completely unable to be embarrassed, adorable -- truly, she's the real-life epitome of cynthia kirkpatrick, only without the shallowness. kelsey is beautiful, musical, has a great sense of humor, but is willing to laugh at the dumbest stuff just so you'll feel better about yourself; it's like she thrives on merely being encouraging to the people around her. amanda chopped off her beautiful hair and got a pixie cut -- her gorgeous cheekbones just rolled with it, and I don't know if I have ever met anyone prettier. honest, guys, cross my heart and hope to die. but she doesn't realize how beautiful she is; and her photorealistic artwork has gotten her paid jobs and a private tutor in san francisco. she's 18.
you can see how, with friends like this, I'd be jealous all the time. but mama reminds me that olivia may not be shy, kelsey may be able to sing, amanda might be amazing at painting, but they have their own struggles. I see where I struggle -- shyness, vanity, irritation; really, pride -- and how they don't seem to. but that doesn't mean they don't struggle. their areas of difficulty are just different, and different doesn't mean better. it just means different.
thank you for hearing me out.
last verse.
we don't realize what we have because we're so busy wanting what we don't. our bread isn't enough; we have to have the meat, too.
and the irony is found in that if we had the meat and the bread, we wouldn't necessarily be happy, either.
no?
me neither.
that's one of the odd topics that edwin arlington robinson touches on in his poem "richard cory". not many people are familiar with edwin arlington robinson; I am only familiar with a few of his poems, even less with him. I like what I've read enough to be curious about his other stuff, but not curious enough to have already done the research. later.
maybe.
"richard cory" is pretty self-explanatory. there's this dude. he's rich. everybody's like "WOO RICHARD CORY" -- only quietly and respectfully -- and the last line is breathtakingly shocking and raw and revelatory. but what I like about the poem is it's extraordinary relatable-ness. it's extraordinary because you can relate to both sides at once.
Whenever Richard Cory went down town,
We people on the pavement looked at him:
He was a gentleman from sole to crown,
Clean favored, and imperially slim.
And he was always quietly arrayed,
And he was always human when he talked;
But still he fluttered pulses when he said,
"Good-morning," and he glittered when he walked.
And he was rich -- yes, richer than a king --
And admirably schooled in every grace:
In fine, we thought that he was everything
To make us wish that we were in his place.
to tell the truth, we all know people like that, right? people who have everything, at least everything we want. money, grace, looks, charm, popularity. it's bad how badly I feel that way sometimes: this feeling that if I wish or want it hard enough, there just isn't a way for me to not get it. because I'm so deserving.
obviously, though, I'm not. I don't deserve any of what I've been given. why aren't I grateful for what I have? seriously: I have so much.
mama is always reminding me -- sure, this friend or that friend may not have the same struggles I do. olivia is outgoing, unselfconscious, completely unable to be embarrassed, adorable -- truly, she's the real-life epitome of cynthia kirkpatrick, only without the shallowness. kelsey is beautiful, musical, has a great sense of humor, but is willing to laugh at the dumbest stuff just so you'll feel better about yourself; it's like she thrives on merely being encouraging to the people around her. amanda chopped off her beautiful hair and got a pixie cut -- her gorgeous cheekbones just rolled with it, and I don't know if I have ever met anyone prettier. honest, guys, cross my heart and hope to die. but she doesn't realize how beautiful she is; and her photorealistic artwork has gotten her paid jobs and a private tutor in san francisco. she's 18.
you can see how, with friends like this, I'd be jealous all the time. but mama reminds me that olivia may not be shy, kelsey may be able to sing, amanda might be amazing at painting, but they have their own struggles. I see where I struggle -- shyness, vanity, irritation; really, pride -- and how they don't seem to. but that doesn't mean they don't struggle. their areas of difficulty are just different, and different doesn't mean better. it just means different.
thank you for hearing me out.
last verse.
So on we worked, and waited for the light,
And went without the meat, and cursed the bread;
And Richard Cory, one calm summer night,
Went home and put a bullet through his head.
and the irony is found in that if we had the meat and the bread, we wouldn't necessarily be happy, either.
13 February 2014
:: v-tines are for losers ::
let me 'splain.
too long. let me sum up.
ever seen that bumper sticker, "virginia is for lovers"? well, it is easily mis-seen and has thus become a family joke: "[insert here] is forlosers lovers!" I really wasn't being a hater.
personally, I am not hugely into the 14th of february as a holiday. maybe because I don't have a better half? …maybe because I never have, and indifference is my revenge? (geez, I really am a hater.) my favorite celebration of it, ever, was making cookies in the afternoon and eating them at night while watching the twilight zone.
que romantico!
but I'm willing to get in the spirit of things, and as part of the festivities, I'mstuffing my face with chocolate doing a valentine's day link-up. this is so much fun, I'd suggest you go to jessica grayson's blog and do it, too.
so. without further ado,silly songs with *ahem*. moving on.
what book do I love that everyone else seems to hate?
a separate peace. it was an impressively narrated, heartbreaking story that revealed a lot of truth about the human heart. I loved it and I reread it and it makes me cry every time (that was one of the top three "hangover" books I've read in my lifetime. the other two are shining company and return of the king). but nobody else seems to appreciate it the way I do!
what book does everyone else love that I don't?
don quixote. not that everyone else seriously loves it, but why is it a classic? I probably have an uncultured mind, is all. oh well.
love in books -- love it or hate it?
done well, I love it. a quarter of the way through any jane austen (persuasion. be still, my beating heart) I'm practically begging for a couple. or dickens (our mutual friend! nicholas nickleby! bleak house!). there have been quite a few books I've read, though, that have handled romance so clumsily I've laughed at them in embarrassment -- pick any YA novel, seriously. gregor the overlander. the unwanteds. ("WHO…says…that?!")
favorite friendship, brother- or sisterhood
1. justin and flavius or the mac clydno brothers
2. arthur (lord godalming), quincey morris, dr. seward, jonathan and mina harker
3. clive and ann
4. the penderwick sisters
5. pip and merry
I ship couples when I read. (and some of my favorites -- that sailed, or didn't.)
I actually still have a paper on which I progressively shipped while reading war & peace… I kind of totally called it. well, by the end. and what about andrei and sonya? ANDREI AND SONYA. do you feel me, here??? ann and major merrion in the merriweather chronicles. itdidn't happen hasn't happened yet, but IT WILL. also drem and blai. charlie and rose. beatrice and benedict. cynan and niamh, for heaven's sake!
I still exchange valentines.
mainly with my family. this year I might branch out, because I'll be "celebrating" with friends this friday (haha, watching gregory peck and audrey hepburn and cary grant. what better way to celebrate loooooove?).
favorite valentine gift:
chocolate. ghirardelli 60% cacao.
personal views on valentine's day?
they were kind of laid out up there. I'm pretty 'whatever' about it. I don't really care about getting roses and candy -- well, no, candy's good -- as a way of showing love. hallmark cards are totally meh. I'd be a huge proponent if my love interest was into it, but as far as I'm concerned, I'd rather a day off to read :)
favorite sweet read?
hope was here. walk two moons. iron peacock.
favorite fairytale and why?
I love the one about the prince of denmark-turned-shepherd who gets the princess to love him by being kind to her. it's a roundabout way: first he tricks her into marrying him and then gives her tasks to do which she fails at (being a helpless princess), but he isn't upset with her -- she ends up saying she'd rather live in their hovel with him than be princess. except that he turns out to be prince, so she gets the best of both. I've loved it ever since I can remember.
favorite romantic gesture in a book?
when ness puts her hands on aquila's shoulders. I feel like crying every time. or sydney carton, putting the rag over charles darnay's face. I do cry every time. pat saying, "my lamb, what on earth is the matter?" and letting peggy cry on his shoulder and use his handkerchief ("not that handkerchief, you idiot! I've been using it to wipe down the windscreen. this one!"). of course, sheftu's public claim of mara's loyalty: "whatever bargain we make, daughter of the sun, must include her freedom." *fans self*
AND. after marguerite bites through the rope around sir percy's wrists, when he carries her back to the ship -- because her feet are so bruised and cut from following him so far.
favorite romantic movie?
princess bride and singin' in the rain are obviously going to rate pretty high, but I think my absolute favorite is roman holiday. which is ironic, considering the end, but their parting is such sweet sorrow that… oh, and now I'm quoting shakespeare. better stop.
my favorite literary couple
that's just mean. I can't stick to one answer when it's merely "favorite romantic gesture", are you kidding? probably, though, if my life depended on picking it… oh gosh. I'll just say one of my favorites, okay? jessica and lorenzo. they are adorable and hilarious. I want to marry a guy just like him when I grow up. x)
favorite opinion about love from a character
"I really don't see anything romantic in proposing. It is very romantic to be in love. But there is nothing romantic about a definite proposal. Why, one may be accepted. One usually is, I believe. Then the excitement is all over. The very essence of romance is uncertainty. If I ever get married, I'll certainly try to forget the fact."
favorite quote about love
actually, you'll just have to wait until the 14th for this one. ("one"? who am I kidding. you'll have to wait for those. plural.) but they'll be good, I promise.
have fun anticipating :)
too long. let me sum up.
ever seen that bumper sticker, "virginia is for lovers"? well, it is easily mis-seen and has thus become a family joke: "[insert here] is for
personally, I am not hugely into the 14th of february as a holiday. maybe because I don't have a better half? …maybe because I never have, and indifference is my revenge? (geez, I really am a hater.) my favorite celebration of it, ever, was making cookies in the afternoon and eating them at night while watching the twilight zone.
que romantico!
but I'm willing to get in the spirit of things, and as part of the festivities, I'm
so. without further ado,
what book do I love that everyone else seems to hate?
a separate peace. it was an impressively narrated, heartbreaking story that revealed a lot of truth about the human heart. I loved it and I reread it and it makes me cry every time (that was one of the top three "hangover" books I've read in my lifetime. the other two are shining company and return of the king). but nobody else seems to appreciate it the way I do!
what book does everyone else love that I don't?
don quixote. not that everyone else seriously loves it, but why is it a classic? I probably have an uncultured mind, is all. oh well.
love in books -- love it or hate it?
done well, I love it. a quarter of the way through any jane austen (persuasion. be still, my beating heart) I'm practically begging for a couple. or dickens (our mutual friend! nicholas nickleby! bleak house!). there have been quite a few books I've read, though, that have handled romance so clumsily I've laughed at them in embarrassment -- pick any YA novel, seriously. gregor the overlander. the unwanteds. ("WHO…says…that?!")
favorite friendship, brother- or sisterhood
1. justin and flavius or the mac clydno brothers
2. arthur (lord godalming), quincey morris, dr. seward, jonathan and mina harker
3. clive and ann
4. the penderwick sisters
5. pip and merry
I ship couples when I read. (and some of my favorites -- that sailed, or didn't.)
I actually still have a paper on which I progressively shipped while reading war & peace… I kind of totally called it. well, by the end. and what about andrei and sonya? ANDREI AND SONYA. do you feel me, here??? ann and major merrion in the merriweather chronicles. it
I still exchange valentines.
mainly with my family. this year I might branch out, because I'll be "celebrating" with friends this friday (haha, watching gregory peck and audrey hepburn and cary grant. what better way to celebrate loooooove?).
favorite valentine gift:
chocolate. ghirardelli 60% cacao.
personal views on valentine's day?
they were kind of laid out up there. I'm pretty 'whatever' about it. I don't really care about getting roses and candy -- well, no, candy's good -- as a way of showing love. hallmark cards are totally meh. I'd be a huge proponent if my love interest was into it, but as far as I'm concerned, I'd rather a day off to read :)
favorite sweet read?
hope was here. walk two moons. iron peacock.
favorite fairytale and why?
I love the one about the prince of denmark-turned-shepherd who gets the princess to love him by being kind to her. it's a roundabout way: first he tricks her into marrying him and then gives her tasks to do which she fails at (being a helpless princess), but he isn't upset with her -- she ends up saying she'd rather live in their hovel with him than be princess. except that he turns out to be prince, so she gets the best of both. I've loved it ever since I can remember.
favorite romantic gesture in a book?
when ness puts her hands on aquila's shoulders. I feel like crying every time. or sydney carton, putting the rag over charles darnay's face. I do cry every time. pat saying, "my lamb, what on earth is the matter?" and letting peggy cry on his shoulder and use his handkerchief ("not that handkerchief, you idiot! I've been using it to wipe down the windscreen. this one!"). of course, sheftu's public claim of mara's loyalty: "whatever bargain we make, daughter of the sun, must include her freedom." *fans self*
AND. after marguerite bites through the rope around sir percy's wrists, when he carries her back to the ship -- because her feet are so bruised and cut from following him so far.
favorite romantic movie?
princess bride and singin' in the rain are obviously going to rate pretty high, but I think my absolute favorite is roman holiday. which is ironic, considering the end, but their parting is such sweet sorrow that… oh, and now I'm quoting shakespeare. better stop.
my favorite literary couple
that's just mean. I can't stick to one answer when it's merely "favorite romantic gesture", are you kidding? probably, though, if my life depended on picking it… oh gosh. I'll just say one of my favorites, okay? jessica and lorenzo. they are adorable and hilarious. I want to marry a guy just like him when I grow up. x)
favorite opinion about love from a character
"I really don't see anything romantic in proposing. It is very romantic to be in love. But there is nothing romantic about a definite proposal. Why, one may be accepted. One usually is, I believe. Then the excitement is all over. The very essence of romance is uncertainty. If I ever get married, I'll certainly try to forget the fact."
favorite quote about love
actually, you'll just have to wait until the 14th for this one. ("one"? who am I kidding. you'll have to wait for those. plural.) but they'll be good, I promise.
have fun anticipating :)
01 January 2014
[something inspirational here]
new years posts are always inspirational. I'm a rebel, so -- well, it's actually that I'm not inspirational. anyway, it is the new year, and I stayed up until 12:30 last night watching the twilight zone. now I'm beginning 2014 with a brownie and coffee, hurrah!
while I file my FAFSA and stress over the deadline for my studio art application.
happy new year.
- - -
what I read last in 2013:
- 'the sound of trees'
- 'reluctance'
- 'the daisy'
- 'when you are old'
while I file my FAFSA and stress over the deadline for my studio art application.
happy new year.
- - -
what I read last in 2013:
- 'the sound of trees'
- 'reluctance'
- 'the daisy'
- 'when you are old'
21 October 2013
:: let's read some dickens ::
october is the perfect time to read.
the weather is cool enough for hot drinks.
the trees are gorgeous.
poetry becomes more beautiful.
I understand that while I am, quite unusually, not in school and have uncommon free time, others are struggling with october's concrete reality of school hitting like a ton of bricks (or should that be "a ton of cinderblocks"?). that said, you have to take a break sometime, and how better to spend it but improving your mind with extensive reading? ...words of wisdom from mr. darcy. whaaaat. *ahem*
what to do with the time you take off to rest your brain from all that schoolwork -- when the tea is steeped and the cookies are out of the oven? come do a read-a-long with me! I'm reading oliver twist, by charles dickens, and I'll try to do a recap of what I read every few days. this brilliant idea occurred to me today, so I've actually already read the first eight chapters; tomorrow I'll try to give some general thoughts before really starting.
oh, man, I'm so excited. I haven't read this book in a very long time -- but this was my first real dickens, what smacked me over the head with the realization: good literature isn't that bad! ...ha ha. I know, right.
the weather is cool enough for hot drinks.
the trees are gorgeous.
poetry becomes more beautiful.
I understand that while I am, quite unusually, not in school and have uncommon free time, others are struggling with october's concrete reality of school hitting like a ton of bricks (or should that be "a ton of cinderblocks"?). that said, you have to take a break sometime, and how better to spend it but improving your mind with extensive reading? ...words of wisdom from mr. darcy. whaaaat. *ahem*
what to do with the time you take off to rest your brain from all that schoolwork -- when the tea is steeped and the cookies are out of the oven? come do a read-a-long with me! I'm reading oliver twist, by charles dickens, and I'll try to do a recap of what I read every few days. this brilliant idea occurred to me today, so I've actually already read the first eight chapters; tomorrow I'll try to give some general thoughts before really starting.
oh, man, I'm so excited. I haven't read this book in a very long time -- but this was my first real dickens, what smacked me over the head with the realization: good literature isn't that bad! ...ha ha. I know, right.
07 October 2013
:: the return of the native, yo ::
I being the native, returning.
yeah.
important things first: MY VACATION WAS ABSOLUTELY SPLENDIFEROUS. I love the beach, and kitty hawk is amazing, and it was the off-season so everything is empty, but it's fall so the weather was spectacular. OBX FTW.
we got in at 2 am last night, and this morning we had doughnuts, which is always a good way to begin a day which has loads and loads and loads of vacation-hangover laundry. ugh.
seriously, I detest laundry. having 11 people in my family means that we do at least 2 loads a day, and guess who gets to fold that? the children, of course, and which child is the most responsible and diligent? the oldest, of course, which is coincidentally me. so when we get ready for trip, we have to do approximately 5 million loads in the preceding few days -- to pack -- and then about 10 million when we get back (somehow our dirty clothing proliferates during the trip). yeah, I have a lot of laundry on my horizon.
I can't complain, however, because when I do my mom reminds me that if I don't want to fold I'm free to run around the house naked so I don't get clothing dirty in the first place. you know how some moms sweetly remind their children to be thankful for the clothes they have, "count your blessings," "be cheerful," et cetera? well, my mom likes to snicker and give us a clothing-optional spiel that we can't really reply to, and calling her bluff would be... well, that's not really a price I'm willing to pay.
so I fold.
I did read some on the trip -- some rereads (the hollow; elephants can remember [both agatha christies]; and almost halfway through walden) and some first-time reads (christy and an l. m. montgomery short-story collection). agatha christie I always recommend, catherine marshall I am definitely not into, l. m. montgomery is fun but not worth a ton of attention; walden... I truly enjoy thoreau, actually, and I've been thinking a lot about it over the past few days. this will soon spill over into posts about sitting alone on pumpkins rather than crowded velvet cushions and chanticleers crowing merely to wake neighbors up. be warned.
by the way, did you know thoreau was really into his neck beard? I know: a neck beard. dude, it's gross. ...why the heck are guys into facial hair, anyway? CHICKS DO NOT DIG FACIAL HAIR.*
I have a lot of stuff I need to do today and talking about guy problems and thoreau's beard** is not really on the agenda. here comes that demmed laundry. I'm off!
*except on aragorn and boromir. exempt from facial hair laws, they may do whatever they want.
**if you image-search him, don't say I didn't warn you. this is what nightmares are made of, and you will never unsee it.
yeah.
important things first: MY VACATION WAS ABSOLUTELY SPLENDIFEROUS. I love the beach, and kitty hawk is amazing, and it was the off-season so everything is empty, but it's fall so the weather was spectacular. OBX FTW.
we got in at 2 am last night, and this morning we had doughnuts, which is always a good way to begin a day which has loads and loads and loads of vacation-hangover laundry. ugh.
seriously, I detest laundry. having 11 people in my family means that we do at least 2 loads a day, and guess who gets to fold that? the children, of course, and which child is the most responsible and diligent? the oldest, of course, which is coincidentally me. so when we get ready for trip, we have to do approximately 5 million loads in the preceding few days -- to pack -- and then about 10 million when we get back (somehow our dirty clothing proliferates during the trip). yeah, I have a lot of laundry on my horizon.
I can't complain, however, because when I do my mom reminds me that if I don't want to fold I'm free to run around the house naked so I don't get clothing dirty in the first place. you know how some moms sweetly remind their children to be thankful for the clothes they have, "count your blessings," "be cheerful," et cetera? well, my mom likes to snicker and give us a clothing-optional spiel that we can't really reply to, and calling her bluff would be... well, that's not really a price I'm willing to pay.
so I fold.
I did read some on the trip -- some rereads (the hollow; elephants can remember [both agatha christies]; and almost halfway through walden) and some first-time reads (christy and an l. m. montgomery short-story collection). agatha christie I always recommend, catherine marshall I am definitely not into, l. m. montgomery is fun but not worth a ton of attention; walden... I truly enjoy thoreau, actually, and I've been thinking a lot about it over the past few days. this will soon spill over into posts about sitting alone on pumpkins rather than crowded velvet cushions and chanticleers crowing merely to wake neighbors up. be warned.
by the way, did you know thoreau was really into his neck beard? I know: a neck beard. dude, it's gross. ...why the heck are guys into facial hair, anyway? CHICKS DO NOT DIG FACIAL HAIR.*
I have a lot of stuff I need to do today and talking about guy problems and thoreau's beard** is not really on the agenda. here comes that demmed laundry. I'm off!
*except on aragorn and boromir. exempt from facial hair laws, they may do whatever they want.
**if you image-search him, don't say I didn't warn you. this is what nightmares are made of, and you will never unsee it.
23 September 2013
:: the end of the odyssey - tennyson's ulysses ::
hey, guys.
I just read don juan, childe harolde's pilgrimage, and beppo (byron) (which I already mentioned) (except that I hadn't quite finished dj then). I will probably be saying something soon about what I thought of them (AWESOME except a little edgy; beautiful prose but the story wasn't; hilarious but poking fun at virtue). in any discussion of them, I'll probably say exactly what was in the parentheses, only wordier. keep an eye out. ha ha.
but today I bring you my thoughts on the odyssey, homer's odysseus, and tennyson's version. ...I have a really bad habit of writing in a condescending voice (and "condescending" means talking down to you.
no, can't take credit for that one. I saw it on pinterest). if you think I'm being condescending 1. I'm not doing it on purpose, I just have a snotty voice 2. talk back to my opinions at the screen. tell me about your alternate opinion (trust me, it feels so much better. although I get funny looks when I'm yelling at a screen...).
anyway. homer's odyssey! aka death! gore! and rich young promiscuous drunks! ...um, yeah.
homer's odyssey has garnered a reputation for having a happy ending. odysseus returns and kills the bad guys; he comes into his own, loved and welcomed by his son and wife and household. everybody cheers, and we all live happily ever after. it wasn't until I read the odyssey for reals in my senior year writing class that I even knew: it doesn't really end.
sure, the book-itself's end is happy -- odysseus is home and the gods are appeased and everyone is rejoicing. the part I hadn't known before (and this is right after O and P have just been reunited) was this:
"Then said Odysseus:
'My dear, we have not won through to the end.
One trial -- I do not know how long -- is left for me
to see fulfilled. Teiresias' ghost forewarned me
the night I stood upon the shore of Death, asking
about my friends' homecoming and my own. ...
Teiresias told me I must take an oar
and trudge the mainland, going from town to town,
until I discover men who have never known
the salt blue sea, nor flavor of salt meat --
strangers to painted prows, to watercraft
and oars like wings, dipping across the water.
The moment of revelation he foretold
was this, for you may share the prophecy:
some traveller falling in with me will say:
"A winnowing fan, that on your shoulder, sir?"
There I must plant my oar, on the very spot,
with burnt offerings to Poseidon of the Waters:
a ram, a bull, a great buck boar. Thereafter
when I come home again, I am to slay
full hekatombs to the gods who own broad heaven,
one by one.
Then death will drift upon me
from seaward, mild as air, mild as your hand,
in my well-tended weariness of age,
contented folk around me on our island.
He said all this must come.'"
{book 23, lines 279-283; 298-319}
odysseus was going to have to leave again, go on another journey, before he could come home for good and die in peace.
I know. I was kind of burnt, too. (lame way to treat this poor dude. lame lame lame.) it made me appreciate tennyson's poem 'ulysses' much more, though -- and that's really where I was going with this. 'ulysses' (the roman name) is about odysseus (the greek name) as he decides to go on that last journey. the time has come.
at the first, the poem portrays odysseus as a proud man -- "Matched with an aged wife, I mete and dole / Unequal laws unto a savage race, / That hoard, and sleep, and feed, and know not me." his wife is old; his race is savage, while he, both literally and figuratively, sits above them; they are concerned with the basic necessities of life, while he sees beyond and yearns for something higher. odysseus regrets that his people don't recognize him as someone great ("and know not me"). he scorns their ignorance.
this desire for recognition continues as he turns to the reader in a soliloquy, revisiting the scenes of his triumph, reliving the glorious days of his strength. here the poem takes a turn, and he is no more the powerful but caged king of the poem's beginning. then he seemed contained, restless, like a lion; now he is an old man, nodding over a cup of wine as he says, "when I was your age..." his spirit, though, yearns to finish his days, not in unrecognized decrepit age, but once again as odysseus the fearless, the courageous, the bold.
he leaves his kingdom to his son -- it's almost a will, knowing he is not coming back to rule again -- and seeks the other sailors who are still alive, to see if they want to come on this last voyage. odysseus wants to distinguish himself by "Some work of noble note" that "may yet be done"; and so he leaves ithaka "to sail beyond the sunset...till I die." although he has been made "weak by time and fate," he has rediscovered himself: the strong, proud warrior -- of another age, perhaps, but still the odysseus of adventures. he sails away, carried on by his strength of will; unwilling to die in obscurity, he finally proves himself to himself by facing death; learning "to strive, to seek, to find, and not to yield."
long explanation, I know, but the ulysses here matches homer's odysseus. homer's man is also proud and rather vain of his part in the trojan war (though understandably so). he wants recognition -- a difficulty when he returns as a beggar and has to resist his desire to plunge in and set everything right. he does get restless: he even tires of kalypso, and yearns for home. (as a side note, I think this is an aspect of his restlessness: he loves the excitement of adventure, and while he wants the comfort of home, the draw for him is the struggle along the way. if his home had been nonexistent, he would have wanted to leave kalypso anyway, I think. home wasn't what he exclusively yearned for.)
homer doesn't address what happened after odysseus's return. it’s clear that O will not be allowed to stay home forever (book 23, lines 280-281, as quoted above). still, we don't know when this “trial” would occur. (that's part of the intrigue of tennyson's poem for me.)
as far as O's personality goes, though, tennyson's portrayal seems pretty consistent: a proud adventurer, restless when inactive -- who now, after years of stagnation, wants one last adventure before death.
I just read don juan, childe harolde's pilgrimage, and beppo (byron) (which I already mentioned) (except that I hadn't quite finished dj then). I will probably be saying something soon about what I thought of them (AWESOME except a little edgy; beautiful prose but the story wasn't; hilarious but poking fun at virtue). in any discussion of them, I'll probably say exactly what was in the parentheses, only wordier. keep an eye out. ha ha.
but today I bring you my thoughts on the odyssey, homer's odysseus, and tennyson's version. ...I have a really bad habit of writing in a condescending voice (and "condescending" means talking down to you.
no, can't take credit for that one. I saw it on pinterest). if you think I'm being condescending 1. I'm not doing it on purpose, I just have a snotty voice 2. talk back to my opinions at the screen. tell me about your alternate opinion (trust me, it feels so much better. although I get funny looks when I'm yelling at a screen...).
anyway. homer's odyssey! aka death! gore! and rich young promiscuous drunks! ...um, yeah.
homer's odyssey has garnered a reputation for having a happy ending. odysseus returns and kills the bad guys; he comes into his own, loved and welcomed by his son and wife and household. everybody cheers, and we all live happily ever after. it wasn't until I read the odyssey for reals in my senior year writing class that I even knew: it doesn't really end.
sure, the book-itself's end is happy -- odysseus is home and the gods are appeased and everyone is rejoicing. the part I hadn't known before (and this is right after O and P have just been reunited) was this:
"Then said Odysseus:
'My dear, we have not won through to the end.
One trial -- I do not know how long -- is left for me
to see fulfilled. Teiresias' ghost forewarned me
the night I stood upon the shore of Death, asking
about my friends' homecoming and my own. ...
Teiresias told me I must take an oar
and trudge the mainland, going from town to town,
until I discover men who have never known
the salt blue sea, nor flavor of salt meat --
strangers to painted prows, to watercraft
and oars like wings, dipping across the water.
The moment of revelation he foretold
was this, for you may share the prophecy:
some traveller falling in with me will say:
"A winnowing fan, that on your shoulder, sir?"
There I must plant my oar, on the very spot,
with burnt offerings to Poseidon of the Waters:
a ram, a bull, a great buck boar. Thereafter
when I come home again, I am to slay
full hekatombs to the gods who own broad heaven,
one by one.
Then death will drift upon me
from seaward, mild as air, mild as your hand,
in my well-tended weariness of age,
contented folk around me on our island.
He said all this must come.'"
{book 23, lines 279-283; 298-319}
odysseus was going to have to leave again, go on another journey, before he could come home for good and die in peace.
I know. I was kind of burnt, too. (lame way to treat this poor dude. lame lame lame.) it made me appreciate tennyson's poem 'ulysses' much more, though -- and that's really where I was going with this. 'ulysses' (the roman name) is about odysseus (the greek name) as he decides to go on that last journey. the time has come.
at the first, the poem portrays odysseus as a proud man -- "Matched with an aged wife, I mete and dole / Unequal laws unto a savage race, / That hoard, and sleep, and feed, and know not me." his wife is old; his race is savage, while he, both literally and figuratively, sits above them; they are concerned with the basic necessities of life, while he sees beyond and yearns for something higher. odysseus regrets that his people don't recognize him as someone great ("and know not me"). he scorns their ignorance.
this desire for recognition continues as he turns to the reader in a soliloquy, revisiting the scenes of his triumph, reliving the glorious days of his strength. here the poem takes a turn, and he is no more the powerful but caged king of the poem's beginning. then he seemed contained, restless, like a lion; now he is an old man, nodding over a cup of wine as he says, "when I was your age..." his spirit, though, yearns to finish his days, not in unrecognized decrepit age, but once again as odysseus the fearless, the courageous, the bold.
he leaves his kingdom to his son -- it's almost a will, knowing he is not coming back to rule again -- and seeks the other sailors who are still alive, to see if they want to come on this last voyage. odysseus wants to distinguish himself by "Some work of noble note" that "may yet be done"; and so he leaves ithaka "to sail beyond the sunset...till I die." although he has been made "weak by time and fate," he has rediscovered himself: the strong, proud warrior -- of another age, perhaps, but still the odysseus of adventures. he sails away, carried on by his strength of will; unwilling to die in obscurity, he finally proves himself to himself by facing death; learning "to strive, to seek, to find, and not to yield."
long explanation, I know, but the ulysses here matches homer's odysseus. homer's man is also proud and rather vain of his part in the trojan war (though understandably so). he wants recognition -- a difficulty when he returns as a beggar and has to resist his desire to plunge in and set everything right. he does get restless: he even tires of kalypso, and yearns for home. (as a side note, I think this is an aspect of his restlessness: he loves the excitement of adventure, and while he wants the comfort of home, the draw for him is the struggle along the way. if his home had been nonexistent, he would have wanted to leave kalypso anyway, I think. home wasn't what he exclusively yearned for.)
homer doesn't address what happened after odysseus's return. it’s clear that O will not be allowed to stay home forever (book 23, lines 280-281, as quoted above). still, we don't know when this “trial” would occur. (that's part of the intrigue of tennyson's poem for me.)
as far as O's personality goes, though, tennyson's portrayal seems pretty consistent: a proud adventurer, restless when inactive -- who now, after years of stagnation, wants one last adventure before death.
28 August 2013
:: I request the honour of your presence ::
lately, I've been amusing myself by making sketchy plans (pun!) for literary wedding invitations. it's been excessively diverting.
this is the first set I came up with. I'm calling it 'violets' since that is pertinent to the invite design and subject matter (I get formal when I get ridiculous. on this blog I'm always formal, which should tell you something about its content). anyway, here it is.
 |
| click for a larger, pixellated version! |
I'm keeping the book an open secret. if you can figure it out, super, but I'm not going to say. (it's much more entertaining that way.) I had to guess at the date for the wedding, because the book only says -- within a conversation between lucy and george -- that they were married in spring. I randomly said april 10th, which somehow seemed appropriate; but then, I've also arranged the date ("4.10.08") in the american style, whereas they would write it in the british style ("10.4.08"). so there are some glitches I'll have to work out.
eventually I'll get around to making a real, live copy and then the content will actually be readable. har har.
29 July 2013
:: introduction ::
let me put it bluntly before we go any further: my last blog was a complete failure. I started out by relating various shopping anecdotes, continued by talking about photography, finished by discussing art and wound up realizing... my hilarious one-liners were about as funny as that 15th knock-knock joke.
we all know how that goes. it slightly resembled the flight of an untied, air-inflated balloon when you let go of the end.
I therefore figuratively wiped the slate clean and decided the only course left to me was writing about something with which I have a lot to do, that I enjoy, and that’s pretty self-fulfilling. in other words, I like what I like, I’m going to write about it, and if you don’t care, fine. I’m not writing for you anyway.
what a motivation for you to keep reading, right? yep, that’s me, always putting others first.
well, I was thinking my first post would give an overview of some things I’d like to do with this blog, but honestly, I’d just rather see where it goes. I mean, I have definite plans – and those definite plans involve lots of books and lots of drawing – but if I say them here, I’ll get into macramé in the next six months and wish I hadn’t blown my mouth off about literature so that I could switch over to talking about all the… whatever you do with macramé. I don’t even know. go figure.
for those of you who feel this is a cop-out, however, some very very very general ideas I have for this blog (whether or not I go with them in the long run): I'm thinking reviews and discussions of things I've been reading, some more artistic productions -- probably relating to the reading, and the occasional, more personal post, as I wrestle with what new kind of tea (or book) to try this week. or something like that. ...when I said "very general", I meant it.
I have plenty of other ideas rattling around in my head, but these are just a few of the bigger ones. for the benefit of the general populace, you might say; a hook to keep you interested and a boot out the door if you’re already not.
hey, don’t let the door hit you on the way out.
we all know how that goes. it slightly resembled the flight of an untied, air-inflated balloon when you let go of the end.
I therefore figuratively wiped the slate clean and decided the only course left to me was writing about something with which I have a lot to do, that I enjoy, and that’s pretty self-fulfilling. in other words, I like what I like, I’m going to write about it, and if you don’t care, fine. I’m not writing for you anyway.
what a motivation for you to keep reading, right? yep, that’s me, always putting others first.
hey, don’t let the door hit you on the way out.
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