:: so many things ::

there's this girl.

she's an art student. at risd. she's from basically the nation's hipster capital (aka seattle), loves tea, and makes beautiful things.

it's like looking at what I could have been.

this hit me yesterday, this weird feeling of I'm-looking-at-me-in-another-life and I'm-so-wistful-thinking-about-what-I-could-have-had and plain, ugly jealously. that's so exactly what I wanted. and I realized, a split second into this ugly feeling, I am totally forgetting what I already have. (it's like when dad brought the rider mower home and we were like, YAY NO MORE PUSH MOWING. and the next day, I was all grumbly while riding, thinking, "dude, why can't it have a zero turn-radius?")

hello, stupid. you have been given so much. you're happy with what you have. don't spoil it by looking at all the things you don't, because seriously, there will always be something.

I'm making a list of all the things I'm thankful for, right now. little things; not exhaustive, not in order of importance, just little wow, and I've got this realizations.

just thinking about these things is healing my sore little dumb heart.

- - -
one. friends. friends all over. thank you for helping me to be a better person, and for loving me while I'm still a worse one.

 

two. my messy desk. I'm not a super-clean nor super-organized person, but it's the process I have trouble with -- I love the results. yet, when I see this desk, I'm reminded of all that I have going on (see the calligraphy?) and all that I have to look forward to (go cards), and I can be thankful for the mess because of what it represents (my life, which is good).

and then hopefully I can straighten up.

three. outgoing mail. mail: reminds me of love shown by time given, friends (again), little pieces of beautiful in my life, travel and adventure. 

four. flamingoes. flipflops. fun. summer. (which doesn't start with f. oh well.)

five. my walls. this sounds dumb, but I really love the green. it makes me happy and works surprisingly well with a lot of other accent colors. I love its versatility; I love what each thing on it represents; and most importantly, when I see this wall, I'm home.

I'm home!

just some things I've been thinking about as I try to cultivate more thankfulness. (AND STOP BEING JEALOUS OF OTHER PEOPLE'S CAMERAS.)

dude, it's like I'm a lost cause.