:: 14" x 9" x 22" is surprisingly minuscule ::

   I'm flying out to california on friday morning.

(when typed out like that, I look surprisingly calm and contained.

BELIEVE ME I'M SO NOT)

   I got an email the other day from the airline on which I am flying, mentioning their policies concerning carry-ons, personal items, checked baggage, and all that good stuff. just to make sure -- because I always take the same blue champion duffel bag everywhere I go -- I looked at the dimensions: 14 inches by 9 inches by 22 inches. 

   my duffel could technically fit; it's about 15 inches by 9 inches by 24 inches. I know what those carriers are like, and seriously, an little extra sticking one way or another is not going to be a big deal.

   what did me in was the little picture of the businessman lifting his little briefcase out of the measuring-thing that they have placed strategically throughout the airport. and I'm all thinking, "what if they make me put my bag in there, and it's just a teeny bit too big? that would be embarrassing. and expensive."

   so I packed my clothes in a little rolling suitcase that I used to love, before I got my blue duffel, but which now I extremely dislike because it's not mine. that duffel carried my clothes across the country for a month when we moved to virginia; it carried my clothes to new york; it carried my clothes back to california; it carried them on various trips to michigan and pennsylvania and overnights at jane's house. 

THIS DUFFEL BAG IS A PART OF MY LIFE AND YOU WON'T LET ME TAKE IT, DAGNAB YOU AIRLINE!!!!!

 my irritation is fast melting as I remember that the whole point of packing is to fly out and see my bestest friend and do a bajillion fun things with her for a week and a half. 

A WEEK AND A HALF! I KNOW, RIGHT?? 

   I checked some books out from the library last week, hoping to distract myself for a while during this waiting time; and so I just finished catch-22 (joseph heller). I've never read heller before, and it's one of those modern-classic, must-read-if-you-want-to-write-for-the-new-yorker-someday kinds of books (have I ever mentioned I'd love to be a part of the new yorker someday? I mean, only sort of. not really. but I love how articulate they all are and the insightful things they have to say about basically everything. …dream on, dreamer).

   catch-22 was hilarious, but in a heartbreaking way: the book was bizarre and crazy and ridiculous, but at the same time horribly depressing because it was so real. I want to laugh because of orr and yossarian's "why did you walk around with crab apples in your cheeks" discussion, but then I realize what I'm laughing at and I want to cry, because what heller is writing about isn't funny at all.

   despite the little bits of hope scattered here and there, it was a very, very hopeless book. I just about threw it across the room when *SPOILER* nately died. *END SPOILER* you know I'm a big crier; I fully expected to burst into tears at any moment, but there was this awful dead feeling in my stomach and I'm still just utterly depressed. 

   ugh. 

   talk about book hangover.

   another disappointing thing is that I checked out war & peace in hopes of reading it before my trip. well, I read everything else I had from the library first, and there ain't no way I'm going to get through that book in two days. I'm considering cheating, and just rereading my favorite parts (like, NOT the battle descriptions). but that is cheating, and I'd hate to miss the awfulness of boris, the beautiful eyes of princess marya, the disgusting dolokhov; I want to watch natasha and nikolai and pierre develop and I really really really want to read something -- anything! everything! -- about prince andrei again. also, I want to confirm my belief that he and sonia get together in the end. I mean, how perfect would that be??

that was kind of a long way to go from blue duffel and luggage dimensions. I'm so worked up, my mind is jumping all over the place. I need to go check my laundry, too -- I have two last clothing items I need to pack. and a hostess gift to buy.

   any good hostess gift ideas? I'm utterly unsure. I don't know my best friend's mom well enough to have something immediately pop to mind (ironic, right? I know them well enough to invite myself to stay with them for a week, but not enough to get a good hostess gift). 

   I'm rambling again. I'll go check on that laundry.