:: climbing higher ::

2015, in two words: hill difficulty.
for those of you unfamiliar with the pilgrim's progress, a comparable three words would be 'an upward struggle'. it's been one heck of a year.

in january I began the second semester of my freshman year: applied to the university honors program, applied to my major, applied for an internship, and was accepted into all three positions. I also got a job at karen's book barn downtown, which included chalking the signs. these things continued through april, when I finished my freshman year. yay.

I feel like something happened in may, but I actually don't think anything did.* I started interning on campus this month.

in june I flew out for my best friend's wedding (haha, not the movie) and it was a delightful week. california forever, world without end, may I live a thousand years and never hunt again, amen.

july and august brought me this subtle change in thinking -- about myself, about the world. I am starting to lose that rose-colored-glasses thing, starting to see the difference between romance and reality. in some ways this breaks my romantic heart, but I also am seeing the need to be more down-to-earth. it's a balance; I'll get there. without losing all my optim- and idealisms.

in late august, school started and I got really stressed.
september, and I continued stressed. looking over my school notes and to-dos and planner and journal all I find are reminders to not worry, reminders that everything will be okay, reminders to sleep and eat and DON'T FORGET THIS IS DUE IN TOO LITTLE TIME.

october 7: "halfway through the semester. one day until the weekend. only a few projects to work on. only 8 more viking classes to get through. I sing with gloria 'I will survive'."

during the last week of october, my computer's hard drive failed and I lost everything I'd stored there for the previous two years, and that meant all my design portfolio as well as the entire semester's schoolwork -- completed and in-process projects. like a 7-page research paper for my vikings seminar that was completely lost along with its sources. kill. me. now.
the next week, november began.

november was a really tough month. all my classes had big final projects and that meant late nights, early mornings, and stress. a week before finals I had to take a day off because I got an ugly stomach bug; I just couldn't take any more time off after that. I came into my last weekend of school ready to throw all I had into finishing my final design pieces and we got the news that a dear friend of ours was killed in a car accident. she was one of the most lovely people I know and the tragedy of her death and of her poor bereaved family -- it's something we'll all deal with for a long time. I'm afraid that contributed to my poor final grade.

so now it's december. over this year, I've had to make some really hard relationship choices. I've been shown some very dark things about myself. I am forever learning about trust and grace and patience. one sweet friend married; another dear friend has passed on to better things. a young man I know has been battling brain cancer for 11 months now, and avenues of hope are slowly closing -- though that's for 2016 to tell. I'm halfway through my sophomore year, almost halfway through college. the future is becoming simultaneously nearer and more exciting, more immediate and terrifying.

but I've come this far; to quote pilgrim's progress again, I will walk in the strength of the Lord God!

*edit: YES something happened in may. I FREAKING WENT HANG GLIDING!!! AAH! best. decision. ever.
- - -

hang a shining star upon the highest bough
and have yourself a merry little christmas now