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27 December 2014

:: penny for your thoughts ::

or, rather, mine.

this year...

-  I was afraid. I've been worried about money, school, scholarships, time, deadlines, my future; I've been worried that life will lose its sparkle as I grow into plodding adulthood. I know adulthood doesn't have to be plodding, but I worry that mine will be, and I worry that I'm lying to myself about the gorgeousness of life just because I haven't had to face the real it yet.
   
-  I was also courageous -- taking each day (or in the case of homework, each week) as it came. I appreciated the small things and the small moments: walking in beautiful leaves and sunshine to my next class. watching the rain fall and drinking a cup of tea before moving on to my next assignment. going to bed on time and not going to the library (these are the days which try men's souls).

and I thanked my gracious God for them.

-  I tried especially to live life. I realized that rushing from thing to thing to thing, trying to accomplish "enough" that I could sit down and relax, I'd never get there. I lived thinking more about above and less about below -- or, really, more about below in the context of above. it's so easy to get out of perspective.

-  I lived joyfully and gladly and trusting that the One who holds everything in His Hands is holding me.

-  I learned to trust God more. as I tried and prayed and tried some more, even as I felt my life falling apart around me, I did find a trust and a peace I couldn't have imagined.

-  I found once again that autumn is beautiful. I think I would like to die during autumn.

-  I found once again that robert frost captures beautiful thoughts in beautiful words.

ah, when to the heart of man
was it ever less than a treason
to go with the drift of things,
to yield with a grace to reason,
and bow and accept the end
of a love or a season?

and this year I really lived to its fullest.
 
    you know, two years ago I was taking psych, and in the workbook accompanying my textbook, there was this fascinating article on personal change -- both physically and personality-wise. the author made the point that our bodies are constantly generating new cells as the old cells age and die, and that in a certain amount of time (not long, honestly; only a few years), our bodies are literally different bodies. -- this is probably common knowledge, but it's fueled my thought for going on two years now, so I wanted to mention it.
    so, my point. I find it fascinating to realize that my body is constantly changing. on one hand, I'm almost sad that this good ol' body of mine isn't really the friend I thought it was. this is a new one. this is an interloper. at the same time, it's a little freeing to realize that this body now will be totally different in the future. (although I don't know what exactly it's freeing from. but okay.) it mirrors -- hopefully -- my growth as a person, and the person I am now is not the person I will be ten years from now. the identifying personality marks I have, like the physical birthmark on my left calf (true story), will always be there, but somehow I will be different; and right now, I am a different person from who I was even at the beginning of the year.

    I do hope that's a good thing.

26 December 2014

:: life is beautiful ::

I learned so much this semester in my drawing class; one thing that I will always especially remember is just how beautiful life is. you don't really see its beauty until you start looking closely.
advice: if you have the chance to take a drawing class, take it.

so this is my art through the year.

2014 was filled with calligraphy.
watercolor.
I did say it was a snicket year.
charcoal drawings.
typography.

hot drinks, of course.
progress -- from bad boxes to figure drawing.
my baby sister, tib <3 she was still. for once.
people are fascinating and beautiful, did you know that?
music.

and poetry. this has really been a year for it... & poetry is always a great way to end something.

24 December 2014

:: the seasons, they go round and round ::

a lot of things happened this year. obviously, over that many days, plenty is going to happen; for some reason, this seemed like a more momentous year than others. and I think "momentous" is a good word to use -- the things that made this year memorable were many small moments. nothing big in and of themselves, just many little things making up the whole.

life, I guess, is like that.

january
jess and I took a trip with our friend elizabeth up to notre dame to see coriolanus. looking back over my posts from january, I somehow managed to avoid mentioning this (???) -- but we did. it was a fabulous trip: driving for hours, listening to maroon 5 and boys like girls, discussing power couples. and then, of course, seeing a beautiful, intense conglomeration of shakespeare, tom hiddleston, hadley fraser, and mark gatiss (giving rise to the coriofidius hadderston power couple. corio-fidius. get it?). it was amazing, and pretty much made my year, although it broke my heart in the process.


february
I got all my art applications and portfolio and essays finished and submitted. it felt like a huge accomplishment, and it helped me learn a lot about not-immediate gratification. ...it was good preparation for college. ha.

remember this?
march
"thousand-eared night repeats that cry
across the sea shining between us"

april
"only the actions of the just
smell sweet, and blossom in their dust"

may
four words: phantom. of. the opera. two more words: ben. jacoby. (see picture below.) this was another highlight -- I finally got to see phantom live. ...WOW. wow. you know how they have those iconic posters, like, "when was your first time?" well, I'd laughed at those because I couldn't remember hearing the music for the first time; "heck, I've grown up on phantom! pshh" and then had to utterly about-face when I saw it. live theater is so different from everything else. their voices were gorgeous. the set was incredible. and it was absolutely beautiful. I will never forget my first time.

this is my sister, not me. jess; you know, the one who saw phantom
 only two months later. on broadway. with norm lewis and sierra. yes, that one.
I can't believe I let her live this long.
june
so I have this theory that when you turn 13, yeah, you're technically a teenager, but you're not a teenager until really 14. I have the same feeling, opposite-ly, for 19: you're technically a teenager, but you're not really a teenager. I turned not-really-a-teenager this year. the responsibility is a little overwhelming. and now that I'm past the halfway mark, dude, I'm almost 20.
WHAT

july
kelsey and I spent a lovely almost-two-weeks together at the beginning of july. this was possibly my best summer ever -- finally seeing my beautiful friend again and getting to catch up face-to-face was such a wonderful experience. it was so relaxing and a great way to prep for my upcoming first semester of college. (also I started calligraphy this month, so that's another milestone x) )

I mustache you for a pen.
august
college. what else can I say? it was crazy and overwhelming, but I love it. I'm so excited for the spring semester, to tell the truth!

september
"gay bells or sad, they bring you memories
of half-forgotten, innocent old places;
we and our bitterness have left no traces
on munster grass and connemara skies"

october
"for He Himself is our peace
who has made both one
and has broken down the middle wall of separation"

november
"so I gaze and I now know why
it is good to live -- and to die...
trees and the infinite sky"
(c) little lotte photography. ha ha.
december
WINTER BREAK BOOYAH! it's been fantastic. I got to see the nutcracker with some awesome friends (like my BBBFF paige (yeah, it's complicated)), applied for several scholarships, spent some great time with my family totally unstressed about homework, got accepted into the honors program (yayayayayay), saw 'the importance of being earnest' again; overall, I have had a very relaxing, peaceful time and I'm feeling ready for whatever comes next.

which I'm guessing is, like, 2015. har har.

23 December 2014

:: this is the rhythm of my life ::

it's like my very own awards show. woo!

best music video of 2014: billy boyd - the last goodbye

album of my year: the jane eyre musical soundtrack. I cannot say how many memories I have with this thing. dorky? absolutely. but whatever.

artist of my year: rogue valley. their smoky, natural acoustics are some of my across-the-board favorites. they remind me of autumn and growing up.

some songs just remind you of things. this year was especially that way, with all the big events in my life seeming to coincide perfectly with the songs I was listening to. these probably wouldn't mean much to anyone else, but they are all very evocative for me :)

JANUARY - let her go (passenger)

FEBRUARY - love somebody (maroon 5)

MARCH - mummer's dance (loreena mckennitt)
 
APRIL - young hearts (strange talk)

MAY - best day of my life (american authors)

JUNE - make a new dance up (hey ocean!)

JULY - sky full of stars (coldplay)

AUGUST - heading west (hadley fraser)
   [listen to the whole amazing album here!]

SEPTEMBER - mountain laurels (rogue valley)

OCTOBER - october winds (cara dillon)

NOVEMBER - tonight the streets are ours (richard hawley)

DECEMBER - don't you worry child (keith jack / swedish house mafia)
   [no, they didn't sing together. I love both versions, but I don't think you can get kj's version anywhere yet -- other than his album.]

my top 5 paper-writing/studying artists
1. phil coulter
2. piano guys
3. secret garden
4. yann tiersen
5. mannheim steamroller

my 15 most-listened-to songs from 2014
in no particular order
hey brother (avicii)
shut up & dance (walk the moon)
love you lately (daniel powter)
there never was a time (scarlet pimpernel concept; linda eder?)
ugly heart (g.r.l.)
laughter lines (bastille)
gone, gone, gone (phillip phillips)
come what may (collabro)*
beautiful times (owl city)
walk on the ocean (toad the wet sprocket)
after the storm (mumford & sons)
through the dark (1d)
drops of jupiter (train)
let's be still (head and the heart)
see you in my dreams (we the kings)

*I have only had three-and-a-half months in which to listen to this; but as much as I've listened to, say, the 'ocean eyes' album or 'bad day', I think I've managed to break even.

now I have this insatiable itch (...urm, I think that borders on mixed metaphor) to listen to all these songs again. oh gosh, it's been such a good year.

22 December 2014

:: a series of fortunate books ::

WELCOME to my annual (as of now) year wrap-up! YAY!
I was originally going to do one nice, long "2014 is almost done and this is how I've spent it" post. but a year is too long for one post, so I'm splitting the definitive parts up over several days -- and enjoy it over one week, instead.

today I have a cup of cocoa and a good book -- it's weally lovely -- but not really. what I have is a whole linear year of good-book-ness, which is even lovelier. and (almost unmitigatedly [made-up word]) fortunate. and I will face the Great Unknown with confidence and not keep crying about my favorite characters and their untimely demises.
even though that's ALWAYS what happens.

total books read this year: 157**
(rereads: 43
new reads: whatever 157 - 43 is. 114. yeah.)

top ten new reads (again, an * means tears were involved!)
1. never let me go (kazuo ishiguro)*
2. the book thief (markus zusak)*
3. night (elie wiesel)*
4. shirley (charlotte brontë)*
5. fahrenheit 451 (ray bradbury)
6. when you reach me (rebecca stead)*
7. pelican brief (john grisham)
8. black moth (georgette heyer)
9. devil in the white city (erik larson)
10. rosencrantz and guildenstern are dead (tom stoppard)
and a bonus!! the acts of king arthur and his noble knights (translated by john steinbeck)

top five rereads
1. dune (frank herbert)
2. tuck everlasting (natalie babbitt)
3. beyond the desert gate (mary ray)
4. science fair (dave barry & ridley pearson)
5. enchantress from the stars (sylvia engdahl)

bottom six reads (several of which also reduced me to tears. of frustration.)
6. trilby (george du maurier)
       it didn't pack the punch I expected; more mediocre than anything.
5. the inner society (melinda louise bohannon)
       an odd mix of dystopian sci-fi, christian romance, and personal growth/man-vs.-self story. with a  
       little bit of this-is-the-epitome-of-teenage-awesome wishful thinking on the author's part. plus
       bad prose.
4. tom jones (henry fielding)
       too many pages for the plot depth. also I just couldn't like the protagonist -- and the excuses
       everyone made for him when he did wrong things. you can't just let him get away with that.
       nobody would ever like him for real!!
3. rookie bookie (l. jon wortheim & tobias moskowitz)
       stereotypical children's-book kid/parent relationship, which totally turned me off, and the little
       economic lessons were terribly integrated. the book was pathetic.
2. captivating (john & stasi eldredge)
       this could wreck someone's faith. the values are utterly misplaced and their whole intention -- of
       'justifying the ways of God to man', so to speak -- is unfounded in Scripture. like, if you're going
       to write a book for christians, use christian values. not hollywood. which they literally do.
and the worst... mr. knightley's diary (amanda grange)
       this review sums it up for me. just go read emma.

top five poetry anthologies
1. the best poems of the english language (harold bloom)
2. collected poems of robert service (robert service)
3. collected lyrics (written & compiled by edna st. vincent millay)
4. the top 500 poems (william harmon)
5. child's anthology of poetry (elizabeth hauge sword)

author of the year: lemony snicket!
no, he didn't make it on my top 10 new reads (although the end would have, but I'd forgotten night and didn't want to make the list 12-long). for me, though, it wasn't one particular book as it was all of them together. I've read more snicket books this year than any other author; and really, the way he's impacted my year -- personally and family-wise -- I think he makes the top. this will always be The Year of Lemony Snicket to me, and that's the way I like it.
beatrice.
(sniffles a little bit)

2015 plans
- I have to read book 3 in the 'all the wrong questions' series!! I'm dying of suspense.
- keep using gutenberg.org. I have discovered some fantastic books there.
- read more josephine tey. I've read three of hers so far (brat ferrars, daughter of time, and singing    
       sands) and I really like her style.
- definitely read more john grisham. I cannot get enough :)
- find -- and read! -- a shropshire lad (a. e. housman).
- then of course I have a list of to-reads that I usually keep with me but forget about when I'm at the
       library...

and that was my year in books! I am so looking forward to 2015.

-
**so far. the year ain't over yet. 

11 December 2014

:: the last final ::

...sounds like thrilling story, right?

well, it's not (unless my life is a story, which would be definitely fabulous, though extremely improbable). my last final is this evening at 5.30 (*insert gagging face here*) but the upside is that when I wake up tomorrow I will be a FREE WOMAN until next semester but let's not go there just yet.

"free" to, you know, fill out applications for scholarships and write essays and catch up on all the relationships and obligations I've ignored for the past three months. "free" is, of course, relative.
one of those obligations being to update my reading and my thinking and all, here, I will be getting to that. soon. ish.

this year, I did keep a list of all the books I read (and re-read) -- literally, every single book for my entire year. it's lovely to look back and remember where I was and what was going on (my name is asher lev, for example, was read in a near-snow-bound house in michigan just hours before our trek back to notre dame to watch 'coriolanus' with tom hiddleston and hadley fraser and mark gatiss. I've mentioned that before, right? it was a huge life-highlight, so I'd better have).
   aaaanyway, that list will be extraordinarily helpful when I do my 2014 life roundup -- if I actually do it. before new years. -- because I love lists and I love concise, quantitative measurements of my year. (if you think that neither "concise" nor "quantitative" makes sense, you do not understand that sentence. read it again and grasp my full, deep meaning or give up and admit my utter incapability with words your intellectual lack.)

but I'm getting ahead of myself. that last final still hangs over my head. *sigh*

cheerio.

27 November 2014

:: in place of our regularly scheduled programming ::

("regularly scheduled"?? hahahahahahaha)

my favorite part of thanksgiving?


har har.

BUT HAVE A GREAT THANKSGIVING EVERYBODY
xD

11 November 2014

:: long time no see ::

wow, I've been gone a while. (not in post-count, necessarily, although the 28th of october was a while ago; but the 28th was cheating, because all I did was copy and paste. so if you don't count the cheater posts, it's been a long time.)

how are you?

me, I'm fantastic. I have two-and-a-half weeks of school left in this semester, not counting my week for thanksgiving break or the week in which everyone on campus has finals except me, apparently (lucky or what). I am so close to having survived my very first semester WOOOOO that I feel like just saying so will jinx it.

I've been doing some sketchy word-writing, too. not enough to really post it, but I haven't had the time or energy to devote to a real post (or project) -- seriously, I have to do 5 journal sketches and (at least) two drawings a week; the drawings are supposed to add up to 5 hours of work. so yeah, I've been busy.
   however, I am so in love with robert frost right now, that I have one of those sketchy-things-I-was-saying-I-wouldn't-post right here, because at least it's something I've actually done and not more "I'm busy" fluff.

:p

also, honestly, I just like the way pictures look in a blog post. it makes it so much more visually interesting, you know? even if it is a really blurry phone picture. I'm sorry!!!

28 October 2014

:: beautiful words ::

...broad and bold through the stays of old staked fast with trunks of the wildwood tree, 
up from shoreward, impelled far forward, by marsh and meadow, by lawn and lea, 
inland still at her own wild will swells, rolls, and revels the surging sea.

- on the south coast, swinburne (excerpt)

17 October 2014

:: the poetry I promised, like, a long time ago ::

(but only sort of, because it's only one.)

this past summer, I rediscovered trumbull stickney's 'mnemosyne' and couldn't get enough of it. I'm not really kidding here; I think I read it every day for more than one week (although I can't be sure about that). I read it a lot.

'mnemosyne' is haunting in a quiet, somber way; but the upshot of the poem doesn't seem to be unhappiness as much as the sadness of memory. memory is almost always sad, it seems to me. the memory itself may be good, but I always finish reliving those happy memories with this little sigh -- like, I'm not actually able to do it over again. once you're past, you can't go back.

anyway, I feel like stickney takes a very personal memory and opens it up to the reader, makes it a memory for us all to experience and relate to in our own way -- whatever our own memories, our own stories, he lets us remember them and feel the same sort of sadness.

read the poem, in the link above.

then watch this haunting (in its own way) video, 'mnemosyne' put to music by ljova and the kontraband.



(trust me. it deals with a woman in an orange coat, drinking a coke, and walking far out into the misty country.)

07 October 2014

:: speed-reading, summarized ::

are you finding yourself lacking time to read? here are some one-line book summaries of your favorite books so that you can relive the glory in .2367 seconds.

- - -

our mutual friend; or,
A Dead Guy Resembles An Alive Guy Who Gets Married And Inherits A Whole Lot of Money

a room with a view; or,
Fate Is Italy

all quiet on the western front; or,
I Am Using The Bathroom In A Field And Eating Everything I Can Get My Hands On

the scarlet pimpernel; or,
A "Really Smart" Lady Doesn't Even Know Who Her Husband Is And Almost Gets Him Killed

the glass menagerie; or,
Glass Is Fragile, Unicorns Don't Exist, Cute Guys Are Jerks

mara, daughter of the nile; or,
A Guttersnipe Gets Hired To Kill Her Secret Crush And Curses In Babylonian

a separate peace; or,
I Get Myself Confused With My Best Frenemy

secret garden; or,
Two Kids Get Healthy By Playing Outside

catch-22; or,
McWatt Sings

north & south; or,
Cotton Mills Were Really Romantic In The 1840s

- - -

03 October 2014

:: fall in all its break-y glory ::

"break-y glory" haha. I don't know what I was thinking. *chuckles quietly to self

I'm in a really, really good mood right now. like, the power literally just went off because we're in the middle of a gorgeous rainstorm, but my computer has hours of power so I can keep typing without having to save in the middle, but that's not why I'm in a good mood. it just has to do with everything.

today has been so productive. I worked on my martin luther paper for history class; did a big chunk of my math project; completed my resume for gen 101 (have I mentioned UGH but I did it); sent in my vaccine information; finished, photographed, and uploaded this week's journal drawings for art 106; and that means I have not only very little to do tomorrow, but

I HAVE MONDAY AND TUESDAY OFF BECAUSE IT'S FALL BREAK!! BOOYAH!!!

also, I love rainstorms. 

and we have earl grey tea (which is my favorite, with a little sugar and some cream). 

plus, it's friday, and I just like fridays a whole lot. maybe because I'm in love. xD *cracks self up*

let's see, any other reasons today has been good? good hair day. of course, it only happens when I'm not on campus, but it makes me feel really gorgeous all day. 
   sitting on the floor in my pjs.
   dropping crumbs everywhere while I try to eat and do homework at once.
   utter gorgeousness.

WHATEVER. my hair feels good, okay? 

I've found a little more time to read recently, and that feels fabulous, too. I always forget how much I love the way my mind feels while I'm reading -- which is a really odd way to put it, but I'm not super good with describing anything feelings. 

there is a confession I have to make, though. yesterday was national poetry day, and I utterly dropped the ball. several months ago (as in, maybe mid-august), I realized that by this time I'd be swamped and I should get together some posts on poetry -- pictures, a video or two, typography, you know. but I never did it, as dr. seuss would say, and now it's too late. I was going to host this whole amazing poetry PARTY, basically, and devote an entire week to the glorious stuff, but only collected material for maybe one post and then didn't even post it on the second. 
   guess there's always next year. oh well.

some spontaneous inspiration has hit me during class, though, so I'll be posting a little more frequently. probably. maybe. hopefully. 

have a wonderful fall break, everybody, because I definitely will. even though for anyone to have more fun than I do is basically impossible. sorry guys.

01 October 2014

:: oh, life, the glorious cycle of song ::

I've been absent. (gosh, I'm even starting to talk like a school-person.) I have had a lot of class-related time-consumers, like actually attending and then repeatedly applying class-learned procedures outside of class and either in my room or the library cafe (cheap coffee and today I ate a bagel (I LOVE BAGELS)). but I'm not going into particulars, because you don't want to hear about it.

no, trust me. you really don't.

let me sum up (and I swear, I say that way too much):

- gen 101 is completely unnecessary to my college education, and I cannot wait for it to be over in mid-october. may I repeat, CANNOT WAIT.

- 3d art and foundation drawing are both going really well, I really enjoy them, but I have blisters from today's 2+ hours of plaster reduction and that's not a happy thing.

- history is pretty fascinating, but I have a 10-page paper due in a few weeks that is stressing me out of my cotton-picking mind. like, seriously, it's not coming together as quickly as I remember previous research papers doing, so I'm... well, stressed. it's dumb of me, but a fact.

- math. hmm. well, I get the concepts (basically algebra (blushes for self taking algebra in college)), but my teacher is terrible, bless his heart. he really stinks. and I have this big ol' "project" that I have to do -- I think to show that I understand what's going on in the various formulae? but I've never done something like this before, and I think I'm allergic to letter grades below a B (at least in theory). this means that, once again, I'm stressed and moderately terrified. (I did what I'm sure was terribly in the quiz tonight, partially due to the coffee-on-an-empty-stomach routine that I performed earlier. stupid, stupid rat creature.)

and that's an overview of my first month and a half of college. it discourages me immeasurably to remember the 3.75 YEARS of this I still have to do, all of which I am currently incapable of paying for. I mean, class by class, I'm sure I'll have fun (I do enjoy it to some degree right now, no pun intended), but I get home exhausted and overwhelmed.

fall break is this week. I will have several days to catch up and get some rest -- for both of which things I am exceedingly grateful. WOO.

17 September 2014

:: in a mood ::

we are the music-makers
and we are the dreamers of dreams
wandering by lone sea-breakers
and sitting by desolate streams
world-losers and world-forsakers
on whom the pale moon gleams
yet we are the movers and shakers
of the word forever, it seems

11 September 2014

:: what to expect from college ::

exhaustion.
stress.
frustration.
panic attacks.

then to look at the cons...

just kidding! it's not nearly so bad. I mean, yes, I have experienced all those things so far (except the panic attacks, hahaha! wouldn't that be just too dramatic), but they really are the downsides. I'm enjoying it so far. for the most part.

anyway, if you want to see what CLASSWORK is like -- and believe me, that was a NEW CONCEPT for this SHELTERED HOMESCHOOLER -- here is a picture of some of mine.


ta-da! and would you believe this is basically extra credit? because it wasn't even assigned!! I am an overachiever.

really, I was waiting for my instructor to show up and I couldn't get that rogue valley song out of my head and I am so excited about the leaves falling and the strikingly blue sky and the crisp air and the apples, so I wrote 'autumn' over and over and some nice little autumnal quotes (mainly keats, but one not keats) and then, inevitably, the first verse of That Rogue Valley Song.

which I will now proceed to show you, because my life is so devoid of other-than-college that I can only supply pictures relating to... college. sorry. I'm trying to read castle rackrent, really I am, but that might have to wait until fall break. when I will be working on my research paper, so... so yeah. my life in a nutshell. or piece of binder paper, whichever you prefer.



04 September 2014

:: towards september ::

my current favorite band is this little I suppose indie group called rogue valley.

they have the best feel -- it's like autumn, condensed into acoustic guitar and layered vocals. I seriously can't get enough of them.

I've gone through different favorite songs so far (blackberry moon, rockaway, rutting moon) but right now I think it's mountain laurels.

from the western edge of highway one
to the east of appalachia
I got my ticket baby here I come

following the crows
and colors
towards september... 

it's a beautiful, sad, colored-leaf song about loving but the ever-present reality of death.

when I lay these flowers
on this grave
do the math to find the final age
oh, I think of all the different ways

darling, don't be 
long in waiting
...the darkness
won't be long
in taking
you

and the music video is so reminiscent of our virginia road trips when I was younger that it almost made me cry. this is a beautiful song for autumn, so if you're ready for summer to end and to follow those crows and colors.....




27 August 2014

:: famous, if only by association ::

if you haven't been living under a rock, you know about the pinterest monster, Crazy Cat Lady. she's the eccentric rich old introvert that every girl wants to be right about now, because we all like to think we're a little different, we'd all love to be rich, old not so much but at least past awkward youth, and introvert because it's really super-trendy to be all, "yeah, so, I don't care what anybody thinks, and, like, I just want to lie around in my pjs and whatever, you want to judge me, I don't care" -- mainly because these are skinny, cute, made-up girls with great hair and adorable lounge pants.
*takes deep breath*
SO. 
I am practically famous.
BECAUSE THERE IS A CRAZY CAT GIRL IN MY DRAWING CLASS.
like, she is... she is IT. okay, not rich, and not old, and not really an introvert; nor does she have a lot of cats around; but, other than that -- this girl 
IS NUTS. 
okay, I shouldn't be all judgy mcjudgerson about her. yeah, she's a little quirky, maybe, but aren't we all??? (I've obviously learned a lot from all the diversity talks during various orientations.) 
NO. EVEN THEY WOULD SAY SHE'S CRAZY. 
she wants to get training in art to teach feline painting. -- that's not people, painting cats; OH NO, that's cats doing the artwork. she thinks they have a huge capacity for artistic expression and that -- and I quote -- "cats see what we don't see. humans do the same things, over and over, so I think we could really benefit from their point of view." 
*runs screaming*

19 August 2014

:: more calligraphy ::

when I spend my days reading, I write about what I read.

when I spend my days drawing, I write about what I drew.

when I spend my days stressing about the college classes that are coming up in less than a week and all the activities I have to be at on campus, I post pictures of the calligraphy I did to calm myself down.


addresses of real people and real places, though not necessarily in the right order;


poetry (keats);


addresses of real places most definitely in the right order;


and more poetry (swinburne). 

my first college activity is tomorrow evening. I get my 2014 event book-thing with the other commuter students, and then we go to the -- and I quote -- "one-of-a-kind get-to-know-you activity". never trust a claim made with that many hyphens.

wish me an extraordinary amount of luck. 

15 August 2014

:: impatient much ::

you know when somebody is like, "guess what," and you're like, "what," and they're like, "oh wait -- let me drink some water real long," or "let me pant because I rushed here," or "oh, never mind"? this is another witty thing:

"thou comest to use thy tongue; thy story quickly." 

macbeth, act 5, scene 5 

06 August 2014

:: practicing addresses ::

   my latest calligraphy assignment was to write addresses on envelopes. I did; but then I wanted to try with some ordinary pens.
   so, I have waaaay too much fun making up the recipients. it's hilarity-inspiring when I think of just how many little secrets I have stowed away in these fantastic addresses.

here's a picture.


do you get them*??? hilarious, yes?? (*you have to be familiar with the poets in question, and their works. also you must have devoured les mis and be moderately familiar with it. please forgive my accidental forgetting of the second letter 'u' in 'luxembourg'.)

I also came up with an "agnes frollo - hugo building, notre dame university, 1 gringoire drive, emerald, MI" address, but didn't end up using it because 1. it's super long and probably not even in the right order 2. it's not very subtle, and I like to be subtle about these things, and 3. I couldn't come up with a good zip code.
   come up with a good zip code, and I'll write you a letter. (I know, right?)

these are the exciting things happening in my life. in little things that you probably don't care about, I bought books for my first semester today. it was a lot of money. another little thing: college starts in 2 weeks, 4 days, 19 hours, and 45 minutes. another lot of money. but not that I'm intimidated or counting down until the day I probably implode from the pressure and nervosity, which is a word.

if I don't make it back... enjoy your fall! I will probably be terrorized until christmas break :)

30 July 2014

:: roanoke - or, what really happened at OBX ::

for a very long time, I've been utterly fascinated by the lost colony of roanoke. where did they go? how? why?
   I've never known many details: at the most basic, that 115 people landed at roanoke in 1587 to start a colony. three years later, a supply ship from england arrived… to find no people, no houses -- nor any sign of distress. on a tree was carved one word: "croatoan" -- the name of a nearby island. but by the time any englishman made it to that island, there were no settlers. faint rumors were spread some years after about gray-eyed, pale indians, but many miles inland where the settlers had no plans to go; and no one ever heard from these lost colonists again.
   so what happened?

  at barnes & noble a few weeks ago, I saw a book called roanoke: solving the mystery of the lost colony, and was so intrigued that I bought it to read on the plane home (it was a west coast b&n, incidentally). and I read it.
   hm.

  the author -- historian lee miller -- brought an interesting perspective to the table: her theory is that the going-missing of the colonists was just a part of a smear campaign directed at sir walter ralegh (the one who backed the settlement plan). she suggests that rather than just the accidental, coincidental loss of a colony, this was an intentional move on someone's part back in england, who wanted to make sure none of the colonists survived. this is not the case of difficult communication between america and england back then, she postulates; this is a case of premeditated murder. ultimately, ms. miller suggests that, caught up in swirling hostilities between the nearby indian tribes, the weakened settlers were captured (as was planned by the powers that be) -- the men killed, the women and children sold as slaves, eventually so intermingled with the indians that no trace of the english remained.
   interesting, no?
   but far-fetched. that's what I thought at first. however, ms. miller mixes quite a few excerpts from original documents (they make up a good 50% of the book) and detailed dissections of politics -- both in elizabeth's court as well as among the surrounding indian tribes.
   if the colonists were not just your typical group, but instead a political and religious minority who used this opportunity to flee persecution; if the failure of this settlement could be worked against ralegh's character by appearing utterly funded by self-interest; if these 115 people could be erased by surrounding, hostile indian tribes, hiding the real culprit whose responsibility could be easily disclaimed; if a double agent managed to land the colonists -- not where they were supposed to be placed, but -- on a terribly situated island called roanoke, miles away from where it would be said they had settled, to reduce any chance of being located by supply ships…her theory is at least possible. she rather won me over.
 
   that is, if I understand correctly what ms. miller was trying to say: I have never read such terrible prose in a published book. it was ungainly, confusing, and terribly punctuated.
London is a very old, walled city. So old, in fact, that in the sixteenth century Roman artifacts and ruins are frequently unearthed layers below the current street levels -- much to everyone's amazement. Mute testimony to the strata of human life long sustained here by the Thames. Along the southern edge of the city the river charts a smooth course, gliding past the Tower, the wharves, the ruins of Baynard's Castle, the ancient monastery of Blackfriars by the western wall. Sweeping everything in. A history steeped in water.
   how did that get past the editor?? it was a lot of cruddy writing to wade through. so I think I know what her conclusion was, but I can't be sure -- it gets a little convoluted.
   part of ms. miller's trouble was trying to add drama to the narrative (I think was her intention?) by putting her words, her slightly fictionalized narrative* in present tense. unfortunately, every old document she quotes is written in past tense, making for very choppy reading. unnecessarily, too, because I feel like the suspense and drama the author was shooting for could have been much more easily attained by past-tense storytelling.

   provided that I understood her conclusion, ms. miller did a fine job persuading me. I can accept this conspiracy-theory-meets-warring-tribes theory -- if only to feel some closure on the lost colony question.
 
language, scale of mild to spicy: mild.
book hangover: approximately 30 minutes.

*by "slightly fictionalized narrative", I mean she adds some little scenes that maybe didn't happen: captain john white (real dude) watching roanoke fade into the distance, waving goodbye to his daughter (also real) on the shore (yes, she was left, with her husband and infant). …but did he really wave? that's what she 'slightly fictionalizes'. 

24 July 2014

:: calligraphy ::

compulsive over-sharer, right here!


it's disappointing to see what I do in reality, when the picture in my head is so much better, but I'm happy to say that I love doing it, even if I'm not stellar yet :)

also, I don't speak french, but I love this poem.


p. s. my hand is exhausted.

22 July 2014

:: so many things ::

there's this girl.

she's an art student. at risd. she's from basically the nation's hipster capital (aka seattle), loves tea, and makes beautiful things.

it's like looking at what I could have been.

this hit me yesterday, this weird feeling of I'm-looking-at-me-in-another-life and I'm-so-wistful-thinking-about-what-I-could-have-had and plain, ugly jealously. that's so exactly what I wanted. and I realized, a split second into this ugly feeling, I am totally forgetting what I already have. (it's like when dad brought the rider mower home and we were like, YAY NO MORE PUSH MOWING. and the next day, I was all grumbly while riding, thinking, "dude, why can't it have a zero turn-radius?")

hello, stupid. you have been given so much. you're happy with what you have. don't spoil it by looking at all the things you don't, because seriously, there will always be something.

I'm making a list of all the things I'm thankful for, right now. little things; not exhaustive, not in order of importance, just little wow, and I've got this realizations.

just thinking about these things is healing my sore little dumb heart.

- - -
one. friends. friends all over. thank you for helping me to be a better person, and for loving me while I'm still a worse one.

 
two. my messy desk. I'm not a super-clean nor super-organized person, but it's the process I have trouble with -- I love the results. yet, when I see this desk, I'm reminded of all that I have going on (see the calligraphy?) and all that I have to look forward to (go cards), and I can be thankful for the mess because of what it represents (my life, which is good).

and then hopefully I can straighten up.
three. outgoing mail. mail: reminds me of love shown by time given, friends (again), little pieces of beautiful in my life, travel and adventure. 
four. flamingoes. flipflops. fun. summer. (which doesn't start with f. oh well.)


five. my walls. this sounds dumb, but I really love the green. it makes me happy and works surprisingly well with a lot of other accent colors. I love its versatility; I love what each thing on it represents; and most importantly, when I see this wall, I'm home.

I'm home!
just some things I've been thinking about as I try to cultivate more thankfulness. (AND STOP BEING JEALOUS OF OTHER PEOPLE'S CAMERAS.)

dude, it's like I'm a lost cause.

17 July 2014

:: mixed emotions ::

I'M HOME!

my trip was fantastic.

utterly fantastic.

I mean, it was so great, nothing else could describe it. seriously: fantastic!

but I'm home now; falling asleep around 1 am and waking up around 10 am because I'm not adjusted yet to the time change (west to east is the worst). I'm drinking coffee, enjoying the break from work, and getting started on those lovely little modules Everybody's Favorite University requires me to do -- on alcohol, sexual assault, Really Boring Things You Need To Know Before Starting Classes, things like that.
   actually, overachiever that I am, I finished everything I'm able to so far in both the first modules; all I have left are the Really Boring TYNTKBSC. because they have serious tests after each module and the first one I took left me with a 65% grade and I was all, OH NO I WON'T, so I'm really taking my time on those (at least you can retake the quizzes. opps).
   they're not too bad, just eye-roll-y.

what I am really looking forward to is the month-long calligraphy course I start in approximately three days (or whenever my nibs get here). I'm very excited about this and super-impatient to get started.

can you see how my moods could be very bipolar right now? I had a great time in california (yay!). I had to come home (boo!). I missed my family and was thrilled to be back (yay!). I miss my best friend, the mountains, and in-n-out (boo!). I have thrilling college prep stuff I get to do (yay!). some is unnecessary and eye-roll-y (boo!). but I have an awesome opportunity to practice calligraphy and lettering (YAY!). which will begin in a few days, because I have to actually wait for the supplies (BOO!).

not to end on a down note, here's a joke. yay!

q. what's the best thing about switzerland?
a. I don't know, but the flag's a big plus!

don't feel bad if you laughed.

03 July 2014

:: in which I sing my barely-contained excitement ::

so --
I'm leaving on a jet plane
don't know when I'll be back again
oh, babe I ['m thrilled] to go

at 6.45 tomorrow morning, I will be flying out of the louisville airport to california.

well, I'm leaving in the morning
and I won't see you again
we'll have one more night together
until the morning brings my [plane] 
and I must go

I'm so thrilled to see my best friend kelsey, and I swear we are going to have more fun than anyone else, ever. I mean, come on. it's us.

I'm never gonna look back
whoa, I'm never gonna give it up
no, just don't wake me now

this is gonna be the best [week] of my life
my li-i-i-i-i-i-i-ife 
x) 

we're going to go swimming.

'cause it's never cold in california
there's always someone near
to tell you that they love you

we're going to stay up all night and jump around until we see the sun.
*ahem*

we're gonna stay up all night and jump around
until we see the sun
we're gonna stay up all night ['cause we are girls
who are feeling 22 want to have some fun]
hold on to the feeling, and don't let it go
'cause we got the floor, yeah
get out of control
I want to stay up all night 
and do it all with you

AND we're going to eat at in-n-out basically every meal, including breakfast (NUMBER ONE THING I MISS ABOUT THAT OL' STATE. aside from the beach and the redwoods. of course). 

well, she got her daddy's car
and she cruised through the hamburger stand, now
seems she forgot all about 
the library like she told her old man, now
and with the radio blasting
goes cruising just as fast as she can, now

AND WE'LL HAVE FUN, FUN, FUN
[just hum the line about the t-bird, oka-a-a-ay] x)

WESTWARD HO!
...be back in two weeks.

01 July 2014

:: 14" x 9" x 22" is surprisingly minuscule ::

   I'm flying out to california on friday morning.

(when typed out like that, I look surprisingly calm and contained.
BELIEVE ME I'M SO NOT)

   I got an email the other day from the airline on which I am flying, mentioning their policies concerning carry-ons, personal items, checked baggage, and all that good stuff. just to make sure -- because I always take the same blue champion duffel bag everywhere I go -- I looked at the dimensions: 14 inches by 9 inches by 22 inches. 

   my duffel could technically fit; it's about 15 inches by 9 inches by 24 inches. I know what those carriers are like, and seriously, an little extra sticking one way or another is not going to be a big deal.
   what did me in was the little picture of the businessman lifting his little briefcase out of the measuring-thing that they have placed strategically throughout the airport. and I'm all thinking, "what if they make me put my bag in there, and it's just a teeny bit too big? that would be embarrassing. and expensive."
   so I packed my clothes in a little rolling suitcase that I used to love, before I got my blue duffel, but which now I extremely dislike because it's not mine. that duffel carried my clothes across the country for a month when we moved to virginia; it carried my clothes to new york; it carried my clothes back to california; it carried them on various trips to michigan and pennsylvania and overnights at jane's house. 
THIS DUFFEL BAG IS A PART OF MY LIFE AND YOU WON'T LET ME TAKE IT, DAGNAB YOU AIRLINE!!!!!

 my irritation is fast melting as I remember that the whole point of packing is to fly out and see my bestest friend and do a bajillion fun things with her for a week and a half. 

A WEEK AND A HALF! I KNOW, RIGHT?? 
   I checked some books out from the library last week, hoping to distract myself for a while during this waiting time; and so I just finished catch-22 (joseph heller). I've never read heller before, and it's one of those modern-classic, must-read-if-you-want-to-write-for-the-new-yorker-someday kinds of books (have I ever mentioned I'd love to be a part of the new yorker someday? I mean, only sort of. not really. but I love how articulate they all are and the insightful things they have to say about basically everything. …dream on, dreamer).

   catch-22 was hilarious, but in a heartbreaking way: the book was bizarre and crazy and ridiculous, but at the same time horribly depressing because it was so real. I want to laugh because of orr and yossarian's "why did you walk around with crab apples in your cheeks" discussion, but then I realize what I'm laughing at and I want to cry, because what heller is writing about isn't funny at all.

   despite the little bits of hope scattered here and there, it was a very, very hopeless book. I just about threw it across the room when *SPOILER* nately died. *END SPOILER* you know I'm a big crier; I fully expected to burst into tears at any moment, but there was this awful dead feeling in my stomach and I'm still just utterly depressed. 
   ugh. 
   talk about book hangover.

   another disappointing thing is that I checked out war & peace in hopes of reading it before my trip. well, I read everything else I had from the library first, and there ain't no way I'm going to get through that book in two days. I'm considering cheating, and just rereading my favorite parts (like, NOT the battle descriptions). but that is cheating, and I'd hate to miss the awfulness of boris, the beautiful eyes of princess marya, the disgusting dolokhov; I want to watch natasha and nikolai and pierre develop and I really really really want to read something -- anything! everything! -- about prince andrei again. also, I want to confirm my belief that he and sonia get together in the end. I mean, how perfect would that be??

that was kind of a long way to go from blue duffel and luggage dimensions. I'm so worked up, my mind is jumping all over the place. I need to go check my laundry, too -- I have two last clothing items I need to pack. and a hostess gift to buy.
   any good hostess gift ideas? I'm utterly unsure. I don't know my best friend's mom well enough to have something immediately pop to mind (ironic, right? I know them well enough to invite myself to stay with them for a week, but not enough to get a good hostess gift). 
   I'm rambling again. I'll go check on that laundry.      

24 June 2014

:: SIDRTL - e. m. forster ::

- - -
(fyi, SIDRTL stands for "Something I Drew Related To Literature", and it's not like that was a thing before I made it a thing. it's just that I love acronyms. I can't resist them. and I make them up constantly: CdA! iow, carpe di-acrony-em.)

23 June 2014

:: filler (don't say I didn't warn you) ::

looking through some old notebooks, I came across quite a few little standalone paragraphs I've written. it kind of amused me, and I thought, for lack of better content, that I would include some here. on a personal note, I quit my job last week (which was rough, relationally) and it's been a difficult few days. anyway, my last day is this saturday, after which -- while I do have some summer plans -- my time will be remarkably freed up, and I can continue to pour out my abundance of thought on your unwilling heads. WOOOOO! bet you can't wait, right?

- - -

   I wouldn't make a good writer.
   I'm no good with interesting plots, I'm way too dramatic, and my heroes would all look like sydney carton. (that knocks out novels.) nor am I good at crazy, clever, unexpected plot twists; which knocks out short stories. I hate theses and dry, factual writing with supporting points and a bibliography -- I'm not destined to be an essayist or lecturer.
   and yet… in my opinion, which could be absolute crap for all I know, I'm not bad at quick scenes: a sketch of character, a short interaction, one occurrence in the life of a nameless man. honestly, I think this is because I've read enough to be able to vary my words until they flow, until they sound right -- I just lack the genius to use that as a tool to aid my imagination, and instead make it the end.
   which is fun.
   but gets me nowhere.

- - -

   they say that romance doesn't exist -- forever, anyway.
   they say that marriage isn't "romantic".
   "it's not all date nights and chocolates and red roses," they caution. "you'll still have clogged toilets to deal with when you're married!"
   but you know what? I'll plunge a clogged toilet for you any day.

- - -

   I have all these great, inspired ideas for poems, blog posts, short stories, and novels, which occur to me at precisely the wrong moment: sitting in church, just falling asleep, doing schoolwork…and then when I try to recall it, the inspiration -- sometimes even the idea -- slips away, leaving me dumbfounded, openmouthed, staring frustratedly at my empty hands and the veritable puff of dust on the horizon. that rapidly-vanishing puff was all my creativity, darnit.

12 June 2014

:: my problems with most homeschooled authors ::

after my last post's general irritation with bad writing (in general) and fantasy (in particular), I realized something that bugs me even more than just badly-executed books like eragon or for darkness shows the stars are books that are… well, to be frank, self-published by for-the-most-part-conservative Christian homeschoolers. I have a few "enjoys" in my list of self-pub'd reads, but for the most part, people self-publish because publishers don't want what they have to offer.
   publishers are businesses. they are looking out for what will make them money, which is selling a lot of books; they'll only sell a lot if the general public will buy a lot. so publishers are usually pretty up on current market trends and what people want.
   if a publisher doesn't take your book, people don't want it.
   don't publish it.

   there's a large movement among the stay-at-home-daughter sector towards writing and self-publishing. I think this is because writing is something you can do from home and it's easier now than ever to spread the word (literally and figuratively). it's easy and it feels like you're really making a positive difference in the world, because "here is good, wholesome fiction that all my friends tell me is hugely enjoyable; it has some sneaky references to my favorite fairy tales, classic novel, or sci-fi fantasy. also, it means I'm not wasting my time as I wait for my future husband to sweep me off my feet  and ride with me into the sunset! figuratively, of course."

   this trend is extraordinarily discouraging, because for the most part… these girls are terrible. they don't know how to write fiction. people tend to think -- until recently, I did, too -- that practice makes perfect, and if they keep trying, they'll get better. I no longer believe this, because all I see is stagnation: no improvement whatsoever. I think this stems from how few of these girls see problems with the fundamental structure of their stories. they just don't know better, so they blissfully continue to churn out stale, clichéd re-dos of old plot lines.

  I am a homeschooler. I have been a part of a larger homeschool group once, for a few months (and then we moved). I have little to no life experience, I have been sheltered, and I still like listening to the beach boys.
   there, I said it. I listen to the beach boys. OKAY.
   I do not at all look at the people around me and think they are somehow lesser because they are trying to spice up their lives. as often as I've said "I don't write," I actually have. somewhat frequently, when I was younger (although it's always been more poetry than prose). this is because I feel like there's something out there that I'm missing. our curriculum was literature-based, so I grew up on books like jane eyre, emma, a lion to guard us, the ramsay scallop, out of the dust, eagle of the ninth. I felt that that was what life was supposed to be! -- and it wasn't mine. I turned to writing, hoping that I could start something by writing "something odd happened today" -- how many girls begin their adventures that way? or "I woke up expectantly this morning; something is in the air" -- great catalyst for adventure, right?

   so I think I understand the longing for something greater, more exciting, more vibrant than the life you have now. nor do I want to discourage anyone from writing to get it out! the difference is that people are putting this written product on the internet. the stuff that's being put on blogs now would never have seen the light of day 20 years ago. it wouldn't have made it. you'd pass your manuscript around to select friends and family, they'd pat you on the back (or the head) and if you ever sent it to someone professional, it would end up in the slush pile, and there's the end of it.
   now, however, we have blogs. this means any- and everything gets paraded before the world, even if it's terrible, and that terrible is becoming the new standard. it's okay if you're bad; but putting the bad-ness out there for others to see doesn't make it good.

   part of the difficulty these writers have is that same lack of experience I wrote about yesterday. they have little to no experience that applies to the stories they're trying to tell; they write about situations and topics very, very far removed from their own sphere of knowledge -- because this is how they can vicariously live a more exciting life. at some level these girls don't think they are capable of writing a true-to-life story (because they never seem to), and they circumvent this inability to create real, compelling characters by giving them pointy ears and calling them 'yevna' and saying, "well, it doesn't have to be like real life, because I'm living in writing about a fantasy world!"
   what's even more sad: a beautiful writing style would cover a multitude of sins, but among most of these I-want-to-be-a-writer people, coherent, flowing sentences are few and far between. and the dialogue is only worse.

my problems, in sum, are:
1. fantasy, by anyone. if everyone stopped thinking of fantasy as the only genre anyone will ever read, the number of dragon/elf/magicpeople books would drop and the occasional fairy would make for a cool twist on the usual. be original, truly creative -- instead of trying to be the next r. j. anderson, christopher paolini, cornelia funke, or (heaven forbid) j. r. r. tolkein.
2. homeschoolers writing bad fantasy. do you realize the image you're putting out there, of all of us? we all look incapable of writing about anything other than lotr, chronicles of narnia, and the occasional period drama -- which extensive life experience gets poured into tales of imaginary creatures. who have remarkably familiar names, like elves. and do these polite things, crazily reminiscent of old-fashioned manners. 
   huh. wonder why.
3. homeschoolers writing badly, in general. THIS SHOULD BE AN OXYMORON. you have parents whose sole job is to train you and educate you. a big part of that education should be how to successfully communicate.
   so why. do you write. that terribly. 
   maybe your mom wasn't a great writer and your dad doesn't know how. heck, take a writing class and learn. take it online. take it from a conservative, Christian university. but stop cementing bad practices and insisting it will make perfect, because it won't. and please learn how before you spend your dad's hard-earned money on self-publishing overused plots that nobody but your friends will read.

and these are my problems with the homeschooled, Christian writer circles.

11 June 2014

:: how to write something worth reading ::

(warning: I don't follow my own advice.)

writing fiction is no mean task. I've tried before, and it takes a certain measure of talent and know-how to come up with something good (which I've never done, and that's how I know). unfortunately, there are a lot of people out there who misguidedly believe that all it takes is a love for books -- any kind of books! read all the books! -- and a pencil.
   or in my pet peeve's case, a blog. (see next post.)

I'm not a fantastic writer, myself, of fiction or non-. I couldn't sit down and give someone a great overview of what makes good writing good writing, although I can pick it out. I want to address instead what makes good reading. what makes a book compelling? relatable? a classic?

today I have two samples of writing. read them. compare them. comments to follow.

number one:
I remove my mask and close my eyes, as the villainy in me is once more buried. I hate that I am a villain, and that it is my brother against whom I must fight. I sigh. But there is nothing I can do about it. One cannot rebel against the HaV Academy and their schemes. I take a deep breath and go to the garden that my brother has placed within my lair. When our masks are off, we are completely civil to each other. Indeed, as far as anyone knows, we never fight. ...But that's because we have to fight when our masks are on. Quietly I pick sufficient food for Willow, then head to the dungeon and place the food through the wall. I do not allow her to see my face. Then I head back to my room and change completely into normal civilian clothing. I then make my way through the tunnel that leads to the small home that my brother and I share. By now he, too is back into his normal clothing. "I wish we didn't have to do these sort of things," I tell my brother. "I know," he replies. "I know." We both enjoy our powers, mine over the inorganic, his over the organic. But we hate that we have to fight each other, that we cannot stand the sight of each other in our masks. We hate that I must be a villain. But there is nothing for it. We must live our lives like this until we have been replaced, and, at this moment, replacement is a long ways away.

number two:
All along the fence, especially along the lower line of wire, all sorts of rubbish had caught and tangled. It was like the debris you get on a seashore: the wind must have carried some of it for miles and miles before finally coming up against these trees and these two lines of wire. Up in the branches of the trees, too, I could see, flapping about, torn plastic sheeting and bits of old carrier bags. That was the only time, as I stood there, looking at that strange rubbish, feeling the wind coming across those empty fields, that I started to imagine just a little fantasy thing, because this was Norfolk after all, and it was only a couple of weeks since I'd lost him. I was thinking about the rubbish, the flapping plastic in the branches, the shore-line of odd stuff caught along the fencing, and I half-closed my eyes and imagined this was the spot where everything I'd lost since my childhood had washed up, and I was now standing here in front of it, and if I waited long enough, a tiny figure would appear on the horizon across the field, and gradually get larger until I'd see it was Tommy, and he'd wave, maybe even call. The fantasy never got beyond that -- I didn't let it -- and though the tears rolled down my face, I wasn't sobbing or out of control. I just waited a bit, then turned back to the car, to drive off to wherever it was I was supposed to be.
you choose. which is better?
   the answer is obvious: the second one. the first has a terrible flow, bad grammar, confusing statements (and I read the entire short story, only a paragraph or two longer than this excerpt. I'm still confused). even though I'm trying to focus on the themes, not the writing, the utter badness (in all aspects) of the first comes out and whacks me in the face.
   the second is muted, vague, but still powerful, with beautiful imagery, well-crafted prose, and a relatable-ness utterly lacking in the first excerpt.
    why is one so good and one so bad? here is my theory as to what makes good reading.

- - -

to write well. good writing isn't just a thrilling story, not just a satisfying end, and it is definitely not a calling-forth of emotion. a book may make you cry, and a good book probably will -- but a book is not judged by the emotion you feel in response, any more than a book is judged by the quality of the cover (although in both cases, they're sometimes good estimates. just saying).
   remember: I am not addressing the mechanics of writing itself. (that can be fixed with relative ease.)

to write well, I believe you have to have
1. insight into a universal issue.
2. a universal truth in response to, or as resolution for, that issue.
3. personal experience of this universal topic.

example 1. you are gay and understand the pressures of society to 'conform or you'll be an outcast'; you write a story in which a girl feels this same pressure as she faces marriage to a man she doesn't love, and the story resolves with her braving the societal outrage as she chooses the man she'd rather marry and finds true happiness.
   insights: we all feel different from everybody else. we all want to be special.
   truth: love (I'm special to someone). forgiveness (my seemingly wrecked relationships can be mended). friendship (there are others like me; I'm not alone).
   personal experience: he knew he was different from others in a way that they didn't accept; he still found meaningful relationships.

example 2. you are a moderately-educated daughter of a country rector, keenly conscious of class differences and arbitrary societal rules; you write a story about a middle-class girl who first scorns the higher-class for their snobby behavior (and is scorned in return for her uneducated connections), until she comes to realize that she's no better -- eventually marrying someone of higher class who recognizes she is worth her character, rather than her inelegant extended family.
   insights: everyone thinks they're better than someone else. there's always someone who has it better than we do.
   truth: humility (jumping to conclusions makes me [wrongly] judge others). love (I can give the benefit of the doubt). self-sacrifice (I'd rather my beloved be happy than me; but when he's happy, I'm happy).
   personal experience: she felt downtrodden, as part of a lower class and as a woman; but she proved that all people of all classes were worth just as much, by showcasing talent society thought a woman (and poor, at that) couldn't have.

and if I could bring my point home, the first example is a room with a view by e. m. forster, and the second is pride and prejudice by jane austen. see? they had the insight, the truths, and the experience to write a compelling story. multiple, in fact.

the problem with books today is that too many "writers", having only vicariously lived through (often mediocre) fiction, are trying to write stories about topics with which they have no experience and without the fundamental knowledge they need to make their work resonate on a deeper level with their readers.
   I think this is why so few teen authors have a lasting impact: they're too young, both for the life knowledge required to identify the common denominators of human existence, and for the experience needed to add depth and feeling to their narrative. not that it's impossible: we've read to kill a mockingbird for over 50 years now, and the outsiders for almost as long. but those girls had experience most kids their age didn't have.
 
   this also, I think, is why there are so few sci-fi/fantasy classics -- and I mean, that are put in the same category as war and peace, a tale of two cities, homer's odyssey, les miserables. science fiction is fantastical, unrealistic, untrue to life as we know it; and that definitive trait is the same that makes it hard to find parallels between the story and, well, life as we know it. since fantasy is not real by definition, the imaginary-ness becomes an extra hurdle the author must jump over in order to represent any real-person, real-world struggles to the real people who are trying to identify with it. the excellence with which tolkien and frank herbert created worlds very different and yet very similar to ours rightly earned their books "classic" status; but that's not something you see every day.
   what you do see every day, though, are scores of people who opt to write fantasy because they don't think there are rules to writing it. and I am sick of the fantasy genre, sick of reading sucky stories about magic and improbable worlds because the authors can't write worth a squash, but try to disguise it beneath randomly-lettered names and creatures with odd body parts.

it's important to be able to do the lesser before the greater. olympic ice skaters don't start by learning how to perform a double axel; they start by learning how to move forward on the ice. if I could offer one piece of advice to budding writers, merely as an interested reader:

DON'T WRITE ANYTHING BUT REALISTICALLY UNTIL YOU'RE ACTUALLY GOOD AT IT.