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Showing posts with label music. Show all posts
Showing posts with label music. Show all posts

19 March 2016

:: today, I stare moodily out the window ::

it was sunny and warm all this week. until today, when it was grey and drizzly and I woke up wanting to do nothing but pull the covers over my head. it being spring break, I felt at liberty to do so and stayed warm but increasingly restless on my comfortless couch until, like, 9.30 because today is the last day of spring break and I'M NOT READY FOR IT TO BE DONE YET

nope, some days I am not above whining.

I've had an excellently productive week, but the issue is: I always get to the last day or two of time off and a bunch of possible, fruitful avenues for accomplishing something open up and I curse myself for not discovering them earlier. in this case, I've been looking into possible summer employment (all previous endeavors having come to naught oh kitty hawk kites :'''''( ) and while I'm beyond thrilled to possibly be offered these opportunities (which is really just that I've cold-called about 5 different places, which may or may not be to my benefit), I'm disappointed to not have accomplished more and I REALLY REALLY DON'T WANT TO GO BACK TO SCHOOL ON MONDAYYYYY. this little taste of freedom is terrible. 

on the bright side, just 4 weeks of school, and then summer. ...when it'll be a little late to get stuff done for "possible summer employment." ya dig? 

also, it's not raining, it's just grey and lowering, which is beyond depressing and always dampens the spirits. 

pun.

one might think I glorify the sunshine state a little beyond its just deserts.
one might have a good point, because socal kind of is just deserts.
...sorry. couldn't help it.

this darn awful weather. I need to just stop.

16 December 2015

:: work in progress ::

this is an evolving present for a sweet friend who loves paris and I'm hoping she doesn't read this blog because she'd know what she's getting. (I'm really excited about this project.)


working on year wrap-up posts and trying to figure out how to summarize and address some big things that have happened since I thought I was through the struggles, last post... yes. well. life goes on. happy hols.

09 November 2015

:: I'm almost there ::

parked outside the house we used to live
staring down the green roof and the walls
the balcony, the hills, the pain
the years of hope, the months of rain
now that we're outside it
I guess we survived it after all

I heard andrew mcmahon's 'cecelia and the satellite' on the radio back in august and immediately fell in love with it. I got home and looked up the artist and have listened his latest album 'andrew mcmahon in the wilderness' to death since then. it's incredible.

andrew mcmahon has that great ability to combine the most fabulous lyrics with the best tunes. they just blend perfectly together, and that happy marriage is not something I've come across often.

I will admit that this one, 'maps for the getaway', took some time to grow on me; but one rainy thursday night I was walking to my last class of the week, so ready to go home and be dry and warm, and the last little part of that verse popped into my head: the years of hope, the months of rain / now that we're outside it / I guess we've survived it after all

for some crazy reason, it made me feel immeasurably better. I was almost done with the week, and it was (it IS oh hallelujah) almost the end of the semester, and I do love rain. it was just this amazing realization that this too shall pass; I can make it through, and when I'm through, I will have accomplished something -- if only my own survival!

it sounds dumb, written out. but I really love this song. he has great evocative combinations of lyrics and melody. 'black and white movies' is another wonderful example, one that I was sure would destroy all my tune expectations ("the music cannot be as fantastic as those words. ...whaaaaaaaaano way. I am going to cry"). it's such a california song, and this weather -- all the leaves being brown, all the sky being grey -- puts me in dreaming of it again.

as the summer came and left with the rain
pushing shadows down the road
in this old beach town when the sun goes down
all the grey turns into gold

got no plans, just a feeling
I'm no architect at all
there's a fan on the ceiling
and a telephone that you should call

are you home tonight
are you laying in bed watching black and white movies
are you home tonight
do you ever rewind to the summer you knew me 

happy tears, G. happy tears.

26 December 2014

:: life is beautiful ::

I learned so much this semester in my drawing class; one thing that I will always especially remember is just how beautiful life is. you don't really see its beauty until you start looking closely.
advice: if you have the chance to take a drawing class, take it.

so this is my art through the year.

2014 was filled with calligraphy.
watercolor.
I did say it was a snicket year.
charcoal drawings.
typography.

hot drinks, of course.
progress -- from bad boxes to figure drawing.
my baby sister, tib <3 she was still. for once.
people are fascinating and beautiful, did you know that?
music.

and poetry. this has really been a year for it... & poetry is always a great way to end something.

23 December 2014

:: this is the rhythm of my life ::

it's like my very own awards show. woo!

best music video of 2014: billy boyd - the last goodbye

album of my year: the jane eyre musical soundtrack. I cannot say how many memories I have with this thing. dorky? absolutely. but whatever.

artist of my year: rogue valley. their smoky, natural acoustics are some of my across-the-board favorites. they remind me of autumn and growing up.

some songs just remind you of things. this year was especially that way, with all the big events in my life seeming to coincide perfectly with the songs I was listening to. these probably wouldn't mean much to anyone else, but they are all very evocative for me :)

JANUARY - let her go (passenger)

FEBRUARY - love somebody (maroon 5)

MARCH - mummer's dance (loreena mckennitt)
 
APRIL - young hearts (strange talk)

MAY - best day of my life (american authors)

JUNE - make a new dance up (hey ocean!)

JULY - sky full of stars (coldplay)

AUGUST - heading west (hadley fraser)
   [listen to the whole amazing album here!]

SEPTEMBER - mountain laurels (rogue valley)

OCTOBER - october winds (cara dillon)

NOVEMBER - tonight the streets are ours (richard hawley)

DECEMBER - don't you worry child (keith jack / swedish house mafia)
   [no, they didn't sing together. I love both versions, but I don't think you can get kj's version anywhere yet -- other than his album.]

my top 5 paper-writing/studying artists
1. phil coulter
2. piano guys
3. secret garden
4. yann tiersen
5. mannheim steamroller

my 15 most-listened-to songs from 2014
in no particular order
hey brother (avicii)
shut up & dance (walk the moon)
love you lately (daniel powter)
there never was a time (scarlet pimpernel concept; linda eder?)
ugly heart (g.r.l.)
laughter lines (bastille)
gone, gone, gone (phillip phillips)
come what may (collabro)*
beautiful times (owl city)
walk on the ocean (toad the wet sprocket)
after the storm (mumford & sons)
through the dark (1d)
drops of jupiter (train)
let's be still (head and the heart)
see you in my dreams (we the kings)

*I have only had three-and-a-half months in which to listen to this; but as much as I've listened to, say, the 'ocean eyes' album or 'bad day', I think I've managed to break even.

now I have this insatiable itch (...urm, I think that borders on mixed metaphor) to listen to all these songs again. oh gosh, it's been such a good year.

17 October 2014

:: the poetry I promised, like, a long time ago ::

(but only sort of, because it's only one.)

this past summer, I rediscovered trumbull stickney's 'mnemosyne' and couldn't get enough of it. I'm not really kidding here; I think I read it every day for more than one week (although I can't be sure about that). I read it a lot.

'mnemosyne' is haunting in a quiet, somber way; but the upshot of the poem doesn't seem to be unhappiness as much as the sadness of memory. memory is almost always sad, it seems to me. the memory itself may be good, but I always finish reliving those happy memories with this little sigh -- like, I'm not actually able to do it over again. once you're past, you can't go back.

anyway, I feel like stickney takes a very personal memory and opens it up to the reader, makes it a memory for us all to experience and relate to in our own way -- whatever our own memories, our own stories, he lets us remember them and feel the same sort of sadness.

read the poem, in the link above.

then watch this haunting (in its own way) video, 'mnemosyne' put to music by ljova and the kontraband.



(trust me. it deals with a woman in an orange coat, drinking a coke, and walking far out into the misty country.)

11 September 2014

:: what to expect from college ::

exhaustion.
stress.
frustration.
panic attacks.

then to look at the cons...

just kidding! it's not nearly so bad. I mean, yes, I have experienced all those things so far (except the panic attacks, hahaha! wouldn't that be just too dramatic), but they really are the downsides. I'm enjoying it so far. for the most part.

anyway, if you want to see what CLASSWORK is like -- and believe me, that was a NEW CONCEPT for this SHELTERED HOMESCHOOLER -- here is a picture of some of mine.


ta-da! and would you believe this is basically extra credit? because it wasn't even assigned!! I am an overachiever.

really, I was waiting for my instructor to show up and I couldn't get that rogue valley song out of my head and I am so excited about the leaves falling and the strikingly blue sky and the crisp air and the apples, so I wrote 'autumn' over and over and some nice little autumnal quotes (mainly keats, but one not keats) and then, inevitably, the first verse of That Rogue Valley Song.

which I will now proceed to show you, because my life is so devoid of other-than-college that I can only supply pictures relating to... college. sorry. I'm trying to read castle rackrent, really I am, but that might have to wait until fall break. when I will be working on my research paper, so... so yeah. my life in a nutshell. or piece of binder paper, whichever you prefer.



04 September 2014

:: towards september ::

my current favorite band is this little I suppose indie group called rogue valley.

they have the best feel -- it's like autumn, condensed into acoustic guitar and layered vocals. I seriously can't get enough of them.

I've gone through different favorite songs so far (blackberry moon, rockaway, rutting moon) but right now I think it's mountain laurels.

from the western edge of highway one
to the east of appalachia
I got my ticket baby here I come

following the crows
and colors
towards september... 

it's a beautiful, sad, colored-leaf song about loving but the ever-present reality of death.

when I lay these flowers
on this grave
do the math to find the final age
oh, I think of all the different ways

darling, don't be 
long in waiting
...the darkness
won't be long
in taking
you

and the music video is so reminiscent of our virginia road trips when I was younger that it almost made me cry. this is a beautiful song for autumn, so if you're ready for summer to end and to follow those crows and colors.....




03 July 2014

:: in which I sing my barely-contained excitement ::

so --
I'm leaving on a jet plane
don't know when I'll be back again
oh, babe I ['m thrilled] to go

at 6.45 tomorrow morning, I will be flying out of the louisville airport to california.

well, I'm leaving in the morning
and I won't see you again
we'll have one more night together
until the morning brings my [plane] 
and I must go

I'm so thrilled to see my best friend kelsey, and I swear we are going to have more fun than anyone else, ever. I mean, come on. it's us.

I'm never gonna look back
whoa, I'm never gonna give it up
no, just don't wake me now

this is gonna be the best [week] of my life
my li-i-i-i-i-i-i-ife 
x) 

we're going to go swimming.

'cause it's never cold in california
there's always someone near
to tell you that they love you

we're going to stay up all night and jump around until we see the sun.
*ahem*

we're gonna stay up all night and jump around
until we see the sun
we're gonna stay up all night ['cause we are girls
who are feeling 22 want to have some fun]
hold on to the feeling, and don't let it go
'cause we got the floor, yeah
get out of control
I want to stay up all night 
and do it all with you

AND we're going to eat at in-n-out basically every meal, including breakfast (NUMBER ONE THING I MISS ABOUT THAT OL' STATE. aside from the beach and the redwoods. of course). 

well, she got her daddy's car
and she cruised through the hamburger stand, now
seems she forgot all about 
the library like she told her old man, now
and with the radio blasting
goes cruising just as fast as she can, now

AND WE'LL HAVE FUN, FUN, FUN
[just hum the line about the t-bird, oka-a-a-ay] x)

WESTWARD HO!
...be back in two weeks.

03 May 2014

:: and guess what I got to do ::

that sounds really snotty. sorry, guys, I can't come up with a better subject line on the spot.

having been in a state of wordless excitement for the past two days, I bring you a special news bulletin and an overflow of words.

on may first, 2014, I got to see the touring broadway cast perform the phantom of the opera.

YES.

I DID.

this is may 1st, not april 1st. seriously.

the phantom was played by cooper grodin, christine by julia udine, and raoul by ben jacoby. THEY WERE GREAT. WOOOOOOOOOOO!

so after the performance (which I will not because I cannot describe other than with a lot of jumping up and down and screaming and a few tears, possibly) we went to the stage door to meet people. like, ten minutes after the performance ended -- because we got up as soon as the show ended and went right outside -- ms. udine walks right out and smiles at the ten or so people and is like, "hi guys!"
   she was awesome. she chatted and signed playbills and was totally nice. then she walked off down the sidewalk, through the people coming out of the aronoff center, and they didn't even recognize her!!! okay, so then carlotta came out; then andre and raoul come out together. they were awesome, too. so ben jacoby is all, "hey. …autographs? sure!" so he signs, like, everybody's, and then my sister jessa asked if my other sister lottie could take a picture of them. he goes, "yeah!" like he's thrilled and flattered (*swoon*) and jessa calls to lottie, "hey, lottie [something I missed because of what happened next]" -- and ben jacoby says, "lottie?" she says, "yeah…" and he's all, "like little lotte?" and lottie goes, "YES! exactly like!" and we all shared this amazing I-love-phantom moment. it was fantastic. and I was like BEN JACOBY JUST GOT HIMSELF A NEW FAN.

because really. he was so nice and funny and -- let's face it -- kind of super adorable as raoul and then as himself that you can't help but kind of super love him.

so we stuck around until the ridiculously wonderful cooper grodin showed up, and I was the very last person in line. he looked through the crowd of flirting, cackling teenage girls who'd just gotten their pictures taken with him right at me, smiled, and said, "hello! is there something I can do for you?"

palpitations, chet.

um, yes, mr. grodin, you can maybe give me cpr because I think my heart just stopped. TOO MUCH AWESOMENESS. I stepped forward, he steps through the girls to me, and I said, "all I wanted was to shake your hand [he totally smiles at me and gives a fantastic handshake] and thank you for a wonderful performance."
   then the great guy looks absolutely thrilled to pieces and says, "you're welcome! and thank you!"
THE PHANTOM OF THE OPERA THANKED ME!!!!

the amazing thing about them all was their utter amazedness that we knew their names -- that we cared enough to wait for their autographs; like, they totally weren't the sorry-plebs-I-have-more-important-things-to-do performers and that made them SO LIKABLE I LOVE THEM ALL. *coughcough butprobablymostlybenjacobybecausehewasawesome coughcough*

so it was thrilling and enchanting and wonderful and I cried because it was so sweet and sad and lovely and amazing.

the only heartbreaking thing about the evening was that… it's over now, the music of the night.

:') 

28 April 2014

:: jane eyre. the amazingest musical* ::

(*caveat: the amazingest musical since the other really good ones. like especially not better than phantom or les mis or even joseph, so just remember that I love it, but not that much.)

my sister just turned sixteen! sixteen -- wow. she's almost a grownup. maybe soon she'll start acting like one.

ha ha. I love you, jess :)

for her birthday, my current favorite friend amanda gave us her the 'jane eyre' musical soundtrack and we've spent good hours and a half listening through it. dude, if you've never listened to it, go do it, like, now. it's fantastic.

somehow they express, through a combination of words and music, the story of jane eyre as it was, is, and always will be -- like, this is what I would have made it, could I have made it. remember our a tree grows in brooklyn concept? if ATGIB were jane eyre, and we made it into a musical, it would be this; and I solemnly swear -- my love will endure --

no, no, without bursting into song, I mean it.
   forget the "not bursting into song" part. I'm thrilled. I'm enchanted. enraptured! excited! gratified. tickled. and now you're invited: be charmed! be disarmed! …'jane eyre'. I'm delighted!!

they put all the right imagery in there. example: the chestnut tree, struck in two by lightning. whoop whoop. they make use of brilliant foreshadowing in the lyrics. take "I hear your cherished voice across the moorland skies" -- literally occurring later on in their relationship. a few lines later,

and I wash my hands
of every evil crime
defy them all
God will give me time
and you will lead me blind

and we all know she does!
   nor could I fail to mention just how many times they directly paraphrase -- or even quote -- the book. "if I had a string under my ribs, knotted to you, connecting our frames…" "then, as the days went along, like it or not I was not as depressed; and soon after that, we were finally blessed with little adele!" "she was my flame, my gallic sylph." "your logic's fading by the hour, and to no avail, jane! poor, blind puppy!"

"and when our firstborn was placed into his arms, he could see that the boy had inherited his own eyes: large, brilliant, and black."

and I quote!

the music, as far as it goes in the context of musicals, is also fantastic. varied styles, some humor, utterly singable, it has the themes that are the glue of all good serial songs. you know how in phantom it doesn't really matter what song you're singing, you can stick the "he's here, the phantom of the operaaaaaa" part in just about anywhere? while I don't equate 'jane eyre' with pto, you can definitely detect the riffs and tune-foreshadowing that pepper the music. what's even more amazing, those are the tunes that go to the words that relate to the house that jack built current song!
   for example -- when jane tells rochester she's got to leave thornfield because he's marrying blanche ingram, and he's all, "yep, and you're going to ireland! have fun! …wait. that's not good. mmmmwhy, jane?" she says,

yes, it is [a tear], and I cry
because the pain
because the grief
is slowly turning to rage
I'm like a bird upon the brief
who wishes she were never born into this cage

the imagery recalls the swallow she "yearns" to be -- "and go where I am not allowed; over mountains, over oceans; heaven, take me away; for I long for my liberty, for sweet liberty I pray!" the tune, though, just for those few middle lines are identical to lines from "brave enough for love"!
   if all that didn't make sense, you obviously just have to listen to it, because I can't describe it. I'm kind of on an emotional high right now, so I blather. (are you talking to me? I'm a little bit deaf.)

one last amazing thing about this musical. we got the original broadway cast -- which I think is the only version available, heh -- and I really really really like this cast. needless to say, I can pick voices I like better for the parts, but since this is what I have to work with, it's way not bad at all. marla schaffel is superb, and james barbour is surprisingly not bad. sure, "nothing is so bad as 'not so bad'", but I have a long-standing grudge against this someone so audacious, bold and ungracious, to play sydney carton with a face like that. sorry, dude. I don't like rating guys by their looks, but really? hey, it makes him kind of perfect for edward fairfax rochester.
   I did watch him acting the part in a (terrible) recording of the play. I must say: he was stupendous. (but well-performed, don't you think?) he had me crying. great actor, yes. syndey carton, NO NO NO. no. aesthetics won't let it be more than a friendship. you'd better forget it.
   my favorite part is the ritual jess and I have -- when we hear "across the moors" sung (gloriously) by Everybody's Favorite Greek God Look-Alike, we look at each other and say emphatically, "STEPHEN. BUNTROCK." it's great fun, and also… well… it's stephen buntrock. what more can I say. (other than: there is a back story. we are not rating him on his looks.)

I wish everyone in my life could read, hear, and see this thing. I think we'd all be better people. so rest now in peace. our secrets will keep till we speak again (or sing) tomorrow.

you know, the only people I feel worse for than you, having to endure all this, are those in my family. poor sisters. *james barbour laugh*

21 April 2014

:: we wish you a happy birthday ::

we wish you a happy birthday
we wish you a happy birthday
and a happy restofthe year!

because "it's this boy's birthday!" yes, folks: hadley fraser had another one, and I feel we should all join in giving him the highest of fives. really, he's just that awesome.

jessa and I celebrated thusly (and I tell you because you obviously care): 
we listened to lots of amazing songs (stars. born to the battle. beyond the door. oh what a beautiful morning). 
then we lighted two candles in a cupcake.
then we sang happy birthday. 
then we blew out the candles and made a wish.
then we lit them again, blew them out again, and made a wish for hadley. 
then we ate the cupcake. 

I almost wished to have the cupcake turn into carrot cake and guinness and manchego cheese. but I didn't. we'll see if my real wish comes true.

and now. hadley, if you're reading this: please take good care of rudy manchego; we've grown attached to him. (no pun intended, although you'd appreciate that.) 
   and, you know, sierra's coming back as christine. so… enchant us once again. think of your public, for there's a public who needs you! WILL YOU PLEASE COME BACK, TOO??

which may or may not have been my wish. I preserve an obstinate silence, except to say --

hey hadley. have a fantastic birthday.

11 March 2014

:: longer than always is a long time ::

bobby darin's "more" was going through my head today.

more than the greatest love the world has known
this is the love that I give to you alone
more than the simple words I try to say
I only live to love you more each day

more than you'll ever know
my arms long to hold you so
my life will be in your keeping
waking, sleeping, laughing, weeping

longer than always is a long, long time
but far beyond forever, you'll be mine
I know I never lived before
and my heart is very sure
no one else could love you more 

funny how love is one of those things that all humanity believes, deep down inside, should be eternal. constant love, faithful love, true love that death cannot stop (to paraphrase Our Favorite Movie of All Time) -- love in all cultures and countries and customs is to be sought after and striven for, and the best is eternal. and I mean in all cases of love, not just eros love, but philia love, too. brotherly, sisterly loyalty is hugely valued by all people; constancy in romantic relationships is likewise praised to the skies.

today I finished georgette heyer's black moth. (if any of you have read this, go read it again. if you haven't read it, read it now. warning: tracy will break your heart.) these themes of love really struck me in heyer's book, too: fashionable london doesn't put much of a stress on constancy and faithfulness, although friction in a marriage is scandalous. false honesty and base flattery are the highest virtues one can attain, and yet when true loyalty and true -- I mean true: selfless, mistake-covering -- love appear, you can't but admire the people who show it.

jack is heroic (sympathetic!) throughout, despite his felon status; why? (well, maybe because he's rich and titled and gorgeous, but other than that.) he lost his reputation for his brother: there's loyalty. he falls in love with a fantastic girl, but won't marry her because of his "smirched past": more loyalty, and furthermore, selfless love. 
   when tracy wants diana, and frank asks him "if it's really love he feels," tracy says he doesn't know; "I only know I have felt this passion for four months, and it is stronger now than ever. It sounds like love." but frank cautions him that love is putting the other before yourself -- not what tracy is doing.
"Belike I am [mad]; but I tell you, Tracy, that if your passion is love, 'tis a strange one that puts yourself first. I would not give the snap of a finger for it! You want this girl, not for her own happiness, but for your own pleasure. That is not the love I once told you would save you from yourself. When it comes, you will count yourself as nought; you will realise your own significance, and above all, be ready to make any sacrifice for her sake. Yes, even to the point of losing her!"
this is a slight echo of the scene between jack and diana -- jack basically tells her he loves her too much to ask her to marry him. he makes this sacrifice for her sake, "to the point of losing her." tracy's selfish lust and jack's selfless love are a huge contrast to one another, even more so in the light of tracy's high social status and jack's now lack of one.

there are similar themes going on in richard and lavinia's relationship. lavinia grudgingly admits richard's money was a big factor in her marriage -- selfishness. she tells herself, and truly believes, that she loves him also; but it's a selfish love. richard may love her, but he has to come to terms with the fact that he let jack take the blame for his own wrongdoing (utterly faithless) so that he could marry lavinia (whom his brother was in love with, as well). their selfishness blinds them to everything about the other: their needs, their guilts, even their virtues. 
   richard's idea that he can only have his brother or his wife is the turning point. his determination to be honest about his faults (though he is afraid it will dishonor his wife along with himself) gives him the strength to be honest to her about his feelings: and he gets both -- his brother back, and his wife's love. …and, like I was saying earlier, what can society do but fall in love with faithfulness and loyalty? my point really is, though, that all of them are only happy when they put others first.

what about tracy?

if you're going to read the book -- as if I haven't given too much away already -- stop here because there are going to be more spoilers and you may get kind of tired of my sobby gushing over the conflicted bad guy. because there is always a conflicted bad guy. and I always fall for him. 

tracy is completely selfish and hard and cold and cruel. his description is one of a dangerous, charming "roué and cad," who offers diana food and wine. totally unprepared was she to face a world of men; timid and shy and scared -- I'm drifting. shake me up, judy. 
   tracy's attitude throughout the en. ti. re. book is one of "I am the only person worth doing anything for" and that makes him repulsive. but he wants true love (and that makes him so sympathetic to me that I need to not go off on it *restrains self through masterful force of will*). he treats frank's assertion that 'selflessness is the only way to truly love someone' as a joke; he tries to kidnap diana and ends up endeavoring to kill jack; he kidnaps diana again, and essentially threatens to rape her as a way of forcing her to marry him. he's thoroughly evil. (and I can see that, all right?! sheez, don't judge.) 
   what makes me cry is the very last paragraph of interaction between tracy and frank -- the very last paragraph of the book. 

tracy owns his wrong. when frank told him he needed to be humble, "Humble myself! 'Fore Gad, you must be mad!" was tracy's response. having loved and lost, he realizes he was wrong. and he admits it. to the man who first told him he needed to. if that's not humility…
"I would have married her in all honour --"
"In your own arrogant fashion, Tracy."
"As you say -- in my own arrogant fashion, Frank. If I could go back a year -- but what's the use? I am not whining. Presently I shall return to England and make my bow to -- the Countess of Wyncham. Possibly, I shall not feel one jealous qualm. One never knows. At all events -- I'll make that bow."
"You will?" Frank looked sharply down on him. "Nothing more, Tracy! You do not purpose -- "
"Nothing more. You see, Frank -- I love her."
and that phrase -- "nothing more…. I love her" -- shows all the selflessness that tracy has learned in giving up the woman he wanted. 

how can you not fall in love, yourself? I mean, seriously. all the loyalty and love and fixed relationships: john and dick, dick and lavinia, john and diana. miles and molly, holy cow, how adorable are they?? it's all so wonderfully happy. 

even tracy. how sad and beautiful. 

...I know I never lived before
and my heart is very sure
no one else could love you more
- - -      

28 February 2014

:: another warning - this is about 1d ::

"that's controversial!"

all good opinions are, sweetheart.

and this is one heck of a good opinion.

so I was listening to 'story of my life' for the, like, 6,000th time since october and something hit me, so utterly genius I had to share it. 

consider the first part of the chorus.

the story of my life
I take her home
I drive all night to keep her warm
and time is frozen

okay, what are their three albums? take me home. up all night. midnight memories. (so that's not in order. work with me, here.) let's see:

the story of their lives
they "take me home"
they're "up all night"
to keep her warm so that one doesn't quite fit but be a sport
and time is frozen (like, memories? get it?)

I think that's pretty cool.
that is pretty cool, right? I mean, I suppose it could be kind of... convoluted. like, I didn't totally squeeze meaning into it, did I? it sounded so good in my head!

18 February 2014

:: valentine hangover ::

today is sunny and clear but I feel like listening to sappy, anguished love songs. what better excuse than valentine's day?

…or, you know, the week after. besides, it's february, and nothing happens in february, I swear.

the sappy (or anguished) love songs I'm listening to*

- your wildest dreams (moody blues)
- crazy love (mindy gledhill)
- white flag (dido)
- why am I falling (ramin karimloo)
- collide (lee mead)
- promise the stars (we the kings)
- big blue wave (hey ocean)
- if my heart was a house (owl city)
- till kingdom come (coldplay)
- summer love (1d)
- you always make me smile (kyle andrews)
- love you lately (daniel powter)
- falling in love in a coffee shop (landon pigg)
- till we get there (keith jack)
- it might as well rain until september (carole king)
- through the dark (1d)
- if I were a ship (hey ocean)
- dreams (the cranberries)
- when I need you the most (lee mead)
- there never was a time (frank wildhorn/scarlet pimpernel)
- vanilla twilight (owl city)

*some are more sappy than others.

enjoy the aftereffects of february 14th (on which I myself did nothing special). why the hangover? just drunk on life, guys, just drunk on life.

06 December 2013

:: end of the golden words ::

Over the land there lies a long shadow,
westward reaching wings of darkness.
The Tower trembles; to the tombs of kings
doom approaches. The Dead awaken;
for the hour is come for the oath breakers:
at the Stone of Erech they shall stand again
and hear there a horn in the hills ringing.
Whose shall the horn be? Who shall call them
from the grey twilight, the forgotten people?
The heir of him to whom the oath they swore.
From the North he shall come, need shall drive him:
he shall pass the Door to the Paths of the Dead.

I know I said I didn't like free verse. yeah, well, there's an exception to every rule (...except this one. har har. couldn't help it). I need to stop trying to analyze why I like things -- it's so hard to put it into words, I can't put it into words correctly anyway, and it sort of spoils the thing for me since I generally like it because it makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.
   there, I admitted my motivation for most things. warm fuzzies. woot. 
   besides, what if you get a kick out of good poetry not because of warm fuzzies, but because you like practicing the goose-step to its meter? ("the assyrian came down like a wolf on the fold...") or what if you need lyrics to rap? (can I give you a suggestion? try taylor swift's "love story". rapper's delight, no joke, and I like hot butter on my breakfast toast.) this is really not for you, in those cases.
   I guess, then, this is pretty exclusively for me, which means I will ramble unintelligibly. you're basically listening to me talking to myself. 
   if you don't mind eavesdropping...
   
  a lot of the poems in return of the king are free verse, but they're fierce and determined. I can see aragorn saying them with an "it is not this day!" look on his face. ...or éomer, if it's éomer. :T

Out of doubt, out of dark to the day's rising
I came singing in the sun, sword unsheathing.
To hope's end I rode and to heart's breaking:
Now for wrath, now for ruin and a red nightfall!

it's a strong man's lament for his sister. I want to cry for the sweetness. it's as good as pippin's "steward of gondor" song, if you can believe that. (and I love pippin.)
   then comes legolas, thinking of the cry of gulls, and again we know the fellowship will be broken one day -- not just parted.

Silver flow the streams from Celos to Erui
In the green fields of Lebennin!
Tall grows the grass there. In the wind from the Sea
The white lilies sway,
And the golden bells are shaken of mallos and alfirin
In the green fields of Lebennin,
In the wind from the Sea!

"And then softly, to his own surprise, there at the vain end of his long journey and his grief, moved by what thought in his heart he could not tell, Sam began to sing." 
   how sweet.

In western lands beneath the Sun
the flowers may rise in Spring,
the trees may bud, the waters run,
the merry finches sing.
Or there maybe 'tis cloudless night
and swaying beeches bear
the Elven-stars as jewels white
amid their branching hair.

Though here at journey's end I lie
in darkness buried deep,
beyond all towers strong and high,
beyond all mountains steep,
above all shadows rides the Sun
and Stars forever dwell:
I will not say the Day is done,
nor bid the Stars farewell.

the songs are a contrast, themselves. they not only speak of contrasts, but they often come at dark times when singing seems out of place. I love how tolkien blends them into the narrative pretty seamlessly. 
   to note it for a moment, the narrative rises to its climax soon after sam's song. they make it to mount doom; gollum does indeed have one last part in the story; frodo and sam wonder what stories will be told that they will miss, now that they're here "at the end of all things"; and that is how gwaihir finds them. 
   the fellowship is reunited. the fellowship is broken. cue "into the west". 

"'To the Sea! To the Sea! The white gulls are crying,
The wind is blowing, and the white foam flying.
West, west away, the round sun is falling.
Grey ship, grey ship, do you hear them calling,
The voices of my people that have gone before me?
I will leave, I will leave the woods that bore me;
For our days are ending and our years failing.
I will pass the wide waters lonely sailing.
Long are the waves on the Last Shore falling,
Sweet are the voices in the Lost Isle calling,
In Eressëa, in Elvenhome that no man can discover,
Where the leaves fall not: land of my people for ever!'
And so singing Legolas went away down the hill."
   
   in honor of tolkien, I read the story that originated the "west of the moon, east of the sun" phrase. I love how it rings with the feeling of farewell, the idea that 'where I am going, you cannot come' -- a parting that is such sweet sorrow I can't stop reading it... and the "road goes ever on and on" motif is a beautiful one.

Still round the corner there may wait
A new road or a secret gate;
And though I oft have passed them by
A day will come at last when I
Shall take the hidden paths that run
West of the Moon, East of the Sun.  

and the series ends. 
The road goes ever on and on
Out from the door where it began.
Now far ahead the Road has gone,
Let others follow it who can!

"Then Frodo kissed Merry and Pippin, and last of all Sam, and went aboard; and the sails were drawn up, and the wind blew, and slowly the ship slipped away down the long grey firth; and the light of the glass of Galadriel that Frodo bore glimmered and was lost. And the ship went out into the High Sea and passed on into the West, until at last on a night of rain Frodo smelled a sweet fragrance on the air and heard the sound of singing that came over the water. And then it seemed to him that as in his dream in the house of Bombadil, the grey rain-curtain turned all to silver glass and was rolled back, and he beheld white shores and beyond them a far green country under a swift sunrise."

- - -

I guess that sort of turned out of an "LOTR poetry discussion" into a "ramble about LOTR everything".
   oh well. staying on topic isn't why I started this blog. I wanted to think more about literature, and this definitely helped me think. 
   I would suggest, though, if you want to think: don't read this, go write your own thoughts. it's quite a wonderful experience. :)

03 December 2013

:: of words of gold ::

I used to get really irritated when I was reading a book and the characters would quote something and it would
                                                                                   appear
italicized, centered -- like these lines are here.
it drove me nuts. usually I didn't know what the quotation was even from, so it made me feel dumb on top of that. 
   my annoyance with inserted poetry changed when I read lord of the rings. (maybe I should say I found an exception to the rule.) I fell in love with tolkien's poetry; it's so wonderful I sometimes flip through the book just reading the songs, and, hokey though it may be, I really do enjoy the musical because THEY QUOTE THE BOOK and I can't resist it when people do their research.
   um, I didn't mean to quote lbd again. sorry.

today I want to just wallow in amazing meter and beautiful words for a little while; though there's so much poetry here that "today" is about to mean "tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow," which I trust will not creep in its petty pace from day to day, since this is poetry we're discussing.

   ah, the joys of participation! 

read it. seriously. 


- - -


some of the only poetry I've discovered that I can just slip into is what tolkien included in lord of the rings. you don't have to be in the 'right mood', you can just start reading. his words are like music; further, he conveys the idea of a tune without it. take the elvish songs: they are delicate, clear, otherworldly, but they are only in verse. the tune you feel? it's just words. 



O Elbereth! Gilthoniel!
We still remember, we who dwell
   in this far land beneath the trees,
Thy starlight on the Western Seas.

the marching songs ("we must away! we must away! we ride before the break of day!") and the nonsense songs ("O! water hot is a noble thing!") and the sweet pondering songs ("and whither then? I cannot say") all add to the feel of the moment. perhaps it's tolkien's constant use of contrast that makes his LOTR poetry so moving: open and closed, hot and cold, dark and light. 

O! Wanderers in the shadowed land,
despair not! For though dark they stand, 
all woods there be must end at last,
and see the open sun go past....

but then again, he has nonsense verses quite devoid of meaning, and they're great. I do sometimes wonder if (for example) the bombadil chapters were just for the poetry. because honestly, do those two/three chapters add much to the story but amazingly-metered verse? mmmno.
   speaking of amazing meter, though: the martial, strong-beat verses are fantastic, stirring and exciting (think of the "do you hear the people sing" drumbeat). ...but somehow they're always bittersweet. 

Gil-galad was an Elven-king.
Of him the harpers sadly sing:
the last whose realm was fair and free
between the Mountains and the Sea.

His sword was long, his lance was keen,
his shining helm afar was seen;
the countless stars of heaven's field
were mirrored in his silver shield.

But long ago he rode away,
and where he dwelleth none can say;
for into darkness fell his star
in Mordor where the shadows are.

many of the poems in the series are sad -- "as are all the tales of middle-earth" -- but they are all the more beautiful for that sadness; his mini-epic poems are breathtaking.

Long was the way that fate them bore,
O'er stony mountains cold and grey,
Through walls of iron and darkling door,
And woods of nightshade morrowless.
The Sundering Seas between them lay,
And yet at last they met once more,
And long ago they passed away
In the forest singing sorrowless.

the tale of beren and tinúviel is one of my favorites; but also the "flammifer of westernesse". there's just a wildness about it -- flowing lines, the alliteration -- that I love. 
    one thing that strikes me about tolkien's poetry is his ability to capture a sweetness and a sadness: almost melancholy, a nostalgia, perhaps, which transforms ordinary, relatable things into something slightly elevated and slightly magical -- and we go right along with it. we live that journey with the fellowship, and feel all the more noble and courageous for it! and it becomes so much harder to let go when the time comes.

of how the world will be
when winter comes without a spring
that I shall ever see.

For still there are so many things
that I have never seen:
in every wood in every spring
there is a different green.

I sit beside the fire and think
of people long ago,
and people who will see a world
that I shall never know.

the use of language to convey an atmosphere is an ability all great poets have. dare I say it's one that distinguishes the great from the mediocre? compare the words and cadence of the elf-songs to the dwarf-chants. the heavy echo of the words are like the stones the dwarves themselves hewed. 

The forge's fire is ashen-cold;
No harp is wrung, no hammer falls:
The darkness dwells in Durin's halls;
The shadow lies upon his tomb
In Moria, in Khazad-dûm.

...versus:

The mountains sinking grey
Beyond the heaving waves that tossed
Their plumes of blinding spray.

there are a few smatterings of verse that I've left out, but this has been almost all of the poems in book one. the last one (that's not in elvish) is galadriel's song as the fellowship is preparing to leave lothlorien. the musical's song "wonder" draws quite a few lines from the book, and mostly from this song. both are beautiful.

I sang of leaves, of leaves of gold, and leaves of gold there grew:
Of wind I sang, a wind there came and in the branches blew.
Beyond the Sun, beyond the Moon, the foam was on the Sea,
And by the strand of Ilmarin there grew a golden Tree.
Beneath the stars of Ever-eve in Eldamar it shone,
In Eldamar beside the walls of Elven Tirion.
There long the golden leaves have grown upon the branching years,
While here beyond the Sundering Seas now fall the Elven-tears.
O Lórien! The Winter comes, the bare and leafless Day;
The leaves are falling in the stream, the River flows away.
O Lórien! Too long I have dwelt upon this Hither Shore
And in a fading crown have twined the golden elanor.
But if of ships I now should sing, what ship would come to me,
What ship would bear me ever back across so wide a Sea?

11 November 2013

:: I've got da, da, da inside my head ::

my sister reread a tree grows in brooklyn the other day. she reads that book about fifty times a year, I think.
   she was thoroughly disgusted by the idea of a movie, and in talking it over with me, came up with a fantastic idea. well, wait: she was disgusted by the idea of a movie directed by anyone other than us (I'm sure you have those). we thought it would be a hoot to dream-cast ATGIB, and it was fun -- though discouraging: no one alive is stupendous enough to play neeley, I swear -- but her fantastic idea was the music.
   every good movie needs an even better soundtrack. truth probably universally acknowledged. ATGIB is great for music because 1. music is such a huge part of the book; 2. early 20th-century music is still familiar today -- and accessible; 3a. its several 'title tracks', if you will, are perfect for background music; 3b. also for adding symbolism and layers to the storytelling. (besides, how can you go wrong with "molly malone"?)   
   we got so into this that we actually made a song playlist on grooveshark ("for francie" :') ) which we listen to when we feel especially like thinking about neeley and ben and... well, yeah, neeley and ben. which is frequently. heh.

here is our fantastic song list. we have it dramatically arranged elsewhere (duplicates for plot climaxes, and cetera), but I've cut it to the short and sweet. my posts tend to drag on for too long, anyway :)


- "molly malone" (emerald isle ensemble)

- "sweet adeline" (weezer)
- "annie laurie" (john mcdermott)
- "when irish eyes are smiling" (bing crosby)
- "sidewalks of new york" (joe newman)
- "you're a grand old flag" 
- "o holy night" (andy williams)
- "molly malone" (dubliners)
- "annie laurie" (phil coulter)
- "I didn't raise my boy to be a soldier" (bill carrothers)
- "auld lang syne" (scottish fiddle orchestra)
- "silent night" (brian culbertson) 
- "when you wore a tulip" (alex welsh)
- "I'm sorry I made you cry" (frank sinatra)
- "k-k-katy" 
- "mother machree" (101 strings orchestra)
- "till we meet again" (doris day)
- "my wild irish rose" (the starlite singers)

we actually included another version of "molly malone" at the end, but I'm not sure who performed it. (if you, too, want to experience ATGIB in music, follow this list and add your favorite version on the end.)

my hair is in dire need of a wash. that's also just an excuse for me to end this post, because I've run out of factual and on-topic things to discuss. 


*abrupt end*  

17 October 2013

:: a slight change of pace ::

I've seen this "30-day song challenge" trending on quite a few blogs lately, and I was like SWEET, MAN, LET ME AT IT. but I realized as I listened to other people's songs that it really only means something the person doing it. I mean, I enjoy seeing what other people like, and I do listen to their songs.
        most of them.
        most of most of them.
        ...but even if someone else listened to the entirety of each of my songs, it wouldn't mean the same thing to them as it does to me. and let's face it, 30 days of imbedded youtube songs would be a bad idea because it's 30 days and that's just too long for a blog technically about books.
        even so, I couldn't resist going through this song list and posting a few. feel free to come back later and skip this music-fest. (please don't judge my antiquated music choices. I know, some of these songs are from, like, 5 years ago.) (kidding. my favorite summer band is the beach boys. I'm still stuck in last century.) (guys. enough with the hipper-than-thou looks. it's called "vintage".) 

- current favorite: "prairie town" by the wailin' jennys

- makes me happy: "on top of the world" by the carpenters

        it just reminds me of kidhistory's 'healthy food'. see minute 2:25. haha.

- makes me sad: "never-ending road" by loreena mckennitt

        apparently she wrote this after her fiancé drowned in a boating accident. it's heartbreakingly sweet and sad.

- I dance to:

  "best song ever" by 1d (watch until the credits. not as creepy, way funnier.)
  "calcutta" by dr. bombay (great dance music. slightly amusing to watch. very hilarious english.)
     
- from a band I hate: "call me maybe" by carly rae jepsen
        I got so tired of hearing this song ALL OF 2012, GOOD GRIEF. she opened for the jb concert my sister went to by singing "your heart is a muscle". ...I know. I know. plus, I just find her personally obnoxious. (note: the best thing about this song is the last 2 seconds of the music video. HA HA serves you right for giving your number to a complete stranger! didn't your mother ever warn you about this??)

- no one would expect me to love: "all around the world" by justin bieber

        no, I'm not a belieber or even big on jb. I just really enjoy the song.
     
- describes me: "melody" by kate earl and "independence" by the band perry
         I do "play songs back-to-back until I go to bed". and there is one line from "independence" that is so me: they say I'm crazy / a little loco / most of my friends will live and die in this zip code / that might be for me / but until I go / how am I ever supposed to know? (...which reminds me of this poem.)     

- which I listen to when I'm feeling angry nostalgic: "life in a northern town" by dream academy

        (I changed #20 because I don't listen to music when I'm angry. is that odd?) this song has always been the epitome of nostalgia for me. even when I was 13. isn't there a law somewhere that you can't feel nostalgic until you actually have a reason to? :)

- makes me laugh:

  "rugs from me to you" by owl city
  "self-indulgent ballad" by scott garnham
  "lady come down" by colin firth & rupert everett (*laughs inordinately*)
                                 
- to play at my wedding: "more" by bobby darin

- favorite song this time last year: "till I hear you sing" by ramin

       that last note: he held it for 14. seconds.

(I'm not used to using youtube for music; I'd highly recommend using grooveshark.com. just about every song on here is find-able there, and you can listen without the added video. I really don't like video+song when I only want song.)